Not a New Year's Resolution

I don't do New Year's resolutions. I don't like the cliche promises or the obviously inevitable let-downs. I've just got lots of stuff on my mind lately and tons of questions and no outlet for it. So--I'll try blogging what's going on in that hollow space just above my neck...and we'll see what happens. If I only do this a few times, then so be it. If it takes off and I do it alot--then great. I really don't expect anyone to read it...you have to be committed and network and all that kind of "schtuff" to grow a readership. I don't have the time or the strength for that kind of dedication.

So it boils down to this--I'm wrestling internally right now and have been for almost a year. On top of my normal family chaos, I've started thinking of things outside of my self. I've started thinking about the world...the world I'm supposed to live in when I'm old...the world my children are supposed to live in when they're old...the world I hope hasn't gone to a pile of crap by the time I might have grandchildren growing old in the world. Have you ever paid attention to how much garbage you throw away each week? Seriously, have you ever sat and looked at it? Then have you ever tried to cut it down by 1/3 or 1/2? Sometime in late Spring 2007, we started recycling bottles and cans...it honestly cut our weekly trash in half! That made me feel like I could actually do something worthwhile for the world while at the same time made me feel horrible for all of the recyclable crap I've had buried in various landfills over the years...

And plastic bags--how many are in your house right now? Come on, actually look...don't just guess while you're sipping your coffee... I have approximately 30 in the plastic bag holder and another 30 holding various crap in 3 different closets. I have another 4 or 5 in my desk at work. Did you know that they don't biodegrade--they photodegrade? That means they break down into tiny pieces that never go away--ever. So my 65 bags, no matter if I reuse them or not, will eventually end up in a landfill and will never disappear but will more than likely end up in my drinking water as some cruel form of karma...Oh, but you recycle them, do you? Did you know that they don't recycle well? A lot of times, they are turned into useless plastic pellets that aren't able to be used for anything...kind of depressing, isn't it? But don't take my word for all of this--go find out for yourself. My suggestion is to start out at www.reusablebags.com and read the information on plastic bags there...then go to your favorite search engine and start reading articles from reputable websites. Have fun and take your Prozac, because it can be depressingly overwhelming at first...

On Christmas a few days ago, I looked at the mound of wrapping paper on the floor after the presents were opened and I actually sat there stunned and a bit nauseous. Bye-bye gigantic mound of paper! Have fun in the landfill! So, things will have to change a bit there...I'm thinking reusable fabric gift bags at least on birthdays and for my Christmas gifts from now on. It's hard to put the kid's Christmas gifts in bags as they will peek in them under the tree. Maybe I'll do half wrapped and half bagged next year and keep the bagged ones locked up until Christmas...it's hard to do the "no shopping Christmas" thing for kids who are teens and who have always had gifts...I don't know, but I've got a whole year to work that all out in my brain...

So, no New Year's resolutions...not for me anyways...do what you'd like for yourself. I'll try to be thoughtful, witty and semi-entertaining on this blog once again even if I'm only entertaining myself. I won't be doing any vigilant "one green change per day/week" kind of thing...it's all about the baby steps in my house...right now, I'm thinking I'm doing pretty darn good keeping the heat down between 64-66 degrees Fahrenheit at night... I won't be winning any Nobel prizes for my sacrifice, nor will I be inspirational to any of the "green bloggers" that I so often follow...but I'm at least doing something positive and I'll get there eventually--wherever "there" is...and hopefully when I get there things will be just ducky...

Ok, so maybe I did die...

I tried and tried to log in to blogger for about 3 weeks, and couldn't get on...I don't know if it was my computer or what, but then I just kind of fizzled out for awhile...Alas, here I am again. I will attempt to resurrect the blog. I've been following a lot of blogs lately that all deal with "going green", reducing carbon emissions, reducing your "footprint" on the earth and just basically living simply. I'm really super tired with consumerism. I'm really exhausted by "retail therapy" and where in the hell does anyone put all of their crap? After so long---don't you run out of room? I just got a raise, and I still feel broke all of the time....I know---boo hoo, whine, sniffle...
So anyways, we've made some changes around my house. I started making my own eco-friendly, inexpensive laundry detergent. My husband made a composter. I took a vacation day from work and had my mother teach me how to use a sewing machine so that I could make cloth napkins. I stopped using disposable dishes/utensils/cups entirely--at work and at home. I don't buy bottled water anymore---I carry my own refillable water bottle. I try to always take cloth bags to the grocery store so I don't have to accept paper or plastic bags. We recycle far more now than we ever have---shampoo bottles, medicine bottles, etc. And we are trying to make it to the Farmer's Market every weekend so that we can purchase locally grown food---free from pesticides as well as supporting our local farmers. Oh, and we changed out all of our regular light bulbs with CFLs.
Don't get me wrong....I'm no tree hugger....I just know there has got to be a better way than the ridiculous path we're on right now. Gas is often over $3 a gallon, men/women are losing their lives overseas left and right, school shootings are quickly becoming commonplace, but our beloved media would rather focus on celebrities' death, detox, addiction and arrest. Something has got to change. I can't live with myself if I don't try something different. I've got to do something to make the world a bit more ducky...

It's not easy being green...

Life continues to be a wild, faster-than-the-speed-of-light type of ride...Cait (oldest daughter) got a role in her school's musical, but has been ditching practice and wants to quit. It was HER idea to try out. It was HER interest in acting/singing. All I did was provide emotional support, so we are making her honor her commitment to be in the school musical. Too many people in the musical are counting on her--it's not fair to leave them hanging. Grace (youngest daughter) continues to be manic then depressed then manic...she also broke out in virtually inexplicable hive/rash things last weekend. We took her to the doctor and he couldn't figure it out either. Throw in a couple of phone calls at work--"I missed the school bus", bad grades, no homework being done or when it's done--not being turned in...and you have stressed out parents!

But enough about the fam...I need to talk about stuff that will lower NOT raise my blood pressure...Did you hear about San Francisco being the first city in the US to ban plastic bags made from petroleum products? The mayor still has to sign the bill, but once that is through--all large supermarkets and drugstores will have to use an alternative to plastic bags. I read all about it on CNN.com this morning and was quite pleased. It will save approximately 450,000 gallons of oil a year and 1400 tons of trash in the landfill! Isn't that friggin' amazing? For the past 2 weeks I've become more and more concerned with how much trash my family creates. I didn't even realize that plastic bags were that big of a deal until I stumbled upon www.reusablebags.com. The facts/statistics are mind blowing. So--I have been refusing bags for small purchases at stores this past week as my little contribution to the planet, and I've been taking a canvas bag to use in place of plastic bags when I buy more items than I can carry. Don't get me wrong...I'm no tree hugger...far from it actually. But I finally hit a point where I realize that what we do today really does impact future generations--specifically my kids. If I stay concerned with myself and my own personal happiness/comfort, I'll leave nothing but more shit for the next generation...and that's not cool.

On that note...April 22nd is Earth Day...I've never given a crap about it before, but this year during that whole week, another lady at work and I are "going green". We certainly won't be "purists"---we've both decided that using Kleenex is non-negotiable...we must be allowed to use our Kleenex, dammit! However, we are not accepting ANY plastic bags at stores that week. We are not using any ziploc bags, disposable water bottles or plastic utensils. We haven't ironed out all of the details yet, but I'm proud to be at the point where I'm willing to try...at least for one week. Maybe there is hope for me yet...Join us if you'd like--it would make me feel just ducky to have more company...

Garnier Nutrisse #50 Truffle - Medium Natural Brown

Ok, so my youngest daughter (who has bipolar disorder) has been manic for about 2-3 weeks now...I've been doing everything I can to bring her out of it, but it hasn't worked thus far. It is MAJORLY stressful for both my husband and myself. Most days we joke about our own deaths being our "sweet relief". Needless to say, there hasn't been any time for "me" lately. I'm feeling fat and ugly right now...

What will the temporary band-aid to my self-esteem be?...A healthy dose of Garnier Nutrisse #50 Truffle - Medium Natural Brown on my head and a slap dash attempt at taming the unruly eyebrows taking over my face...I started dying my hair about 5 1/2 years ago when 3 separate people at work--in one week--told me "Your hair is starting to get gray". Bastards! Is that truly any concern of theirs? Why exactly did they feel the need to enlighten me to their bastardly observations? Did they really think I didn't notice or that I didn't own a mirror? Anyways, it was enough of an assault on my self-esteem that I started dying my hair. Personal appearance-wise I'm very much a minimalist. In every other area I tend not to be, but with my appearance I am. I don't wear any jewelry except my wedding ring and some very small earrings. My haircut is low maintenance--no curling/straightening irons, just a hair dryer and a round brush. I have a simple wardrobe--each piece easily mixes and matches with the others...I don't believe in owning an outfit that can't be broken up and worn separately. I always choose neutral colored shoes, bags and coats. I've never gotten into the whole manicure/paint your nails thing. I LOVE make-up and what it can do when properly applied, but I NEVER wear it. Go figure! I have zero idea why I don't wear it regularly. I tend to wear it for a day or two and then I fall back into my minimalist no-make-up ways...

But, I've looked in the mirror the past few weeks and thought "Damn baby you need help." So, last night I pulled out the long overdue box of Truffle hair color and my tweezers with the idea that those were the two things I could do to make an immediate difference to my self-esteem. I can't chop off a fat roll for instant gratification...I can't purchase $60 in perfectly selected make-up to give myself an instant face-lift...I can't snap my fingers and have a totally new wardrobe, but I can put on the rubber gloves and mix up the brown liquid of the gods that makes me look passable.

I was supposed to go clothes shopping this evening, but my daughter is through-the-roof manic and I instantly knew when she got home from school that shopping wasn't going to happen tonight. Typically when the old self-esteem is this low, I go commando and do the hair dye, shopping and other "me" things all in one day. It is enough of a jolt to keep me going for awhile. Having to spread the experience out is painful and unsatisfying and actually detracts from the self-esteem boost, but that is my reality right now. While taking care of myself is crucial, keeping her safe is even more important. Some day...some day...some day...things will be just ducky again.

Smorgasbord? Can you believe that's how you really spell it?...

My 13 year-old wrote a poem for/about a friend who she used to hang out with but is now a pothead....she entitled it "What Happened To You?"...needless to say my husband and I now secretly joke about writing a poem called "You suck!" or "I'm sorry you're so stupid" or whatever other funny thing we can think of at the moment. There is just something funny about angst-ridden teenagers writing poems...

School has been cancelled the past 2 days because of more snow and ice. Even the shopping mall, day care centers, local dairy and local factories have shut down and/or closed early due to the weather. While watching the public closings/notices that inevitably scroll across the bottom of the TV screen in winter in Minnesota I read that the "American Guild of Organists Saturday Spring Tune up is cancelled." I thought that was pretty funny especially when I dramatically told my husband the news... But I don't think anything could top the fact that the local churches cancelled their "National Day of Prayer" festivities. I said "Hey Jeff, don't bother praying tomorrow. They cancelled the national day of prayer---even God is snowed in."

Jeff and I watched a movie a couple of nights ago called "Kinky Boots". Now don't go getting all judgmental on me here...it was rated PG-13 and is about a man who inherits a failing shoe company and has to find a new niche in the market or go bankrupt. So---he starts making sexy boots for drag queens that are made to withstand a man's size/weight...hence the title "Kinky Boots". It was really, really good. It was super funny, but had great depth as well. It dealt with acceptance---not just of others but about accepting yourself too. We both highly recommend it and will be buying it for our DVD collection. Not many DVD's make it that far...typically we Netflix them and send them back...the ones that get purchased are special.... :)

Well, I better scoot...I'm writing this from work...yes, technically it is a no-no, but it is snowing and dreary and half of the office isn't here due to the weather...Fine! I feel guilty now. Are you satisfied?...anyways...hope your day is just ducky!

Snow up to my eyeballs...

I'm back in Minnesota. My trip to Florida was good. I ate at a FANTASTIC place in Indian Rocks Beach, FL called Guppy's. It was truly, truly yummy. I highly recommend it. And now I'm glad to be back in my own bed, however we had literally a record snowfall this weekend! We received 16 inches of snow in the town I live. My husband had to use the snow blower three times this weekend. When I walk down the sidewalk, the piles on both sides go up to my knees! On the street corner (because of the snow plows and such) the piles are honestly up to my chest and sometimes my shoulders! And the most interesting part...we are supposed to get MORE snow today...ugh...I know I live in Minnesota and that means snow, but more snow on top of an already record snowfall is crazy!!! The plows and dump trucks end up taking the excess snow from the streets to the corners of parking lots like Wal-mart, Target, etc. You should see those piles of snow---honestly as tall as a house and taller. My dog is loving it though. He likes romping around and chomping on the snow. My husband likes throwing snowballs for the dog to chase. I'm pretty much done with the whole thing though...bring on spring...ah, yes...that would be quite ducky....

Florida, cold weather and haiku...

I am in Florida for most of this week. Currently, the temperature today was a high of 64 degrees and the Floridians are calling it a cold snap. It is still far warmer than the weather we've been having in Minnesota, so I'll take it and be grateful. I have a cold though...as a result, I had a hard time staying awake during training today....I was awake enough though to write a haiku about my cold:

Illness, cold, fever, aches
Green stuff coming out my nose
Tissue with lotion

I know....it's lame, but it amused me quite a bit this afternoon...