Just Ducky

The Bored and the Clueless

2009-03-15T17:03:00.000-07:00

I cannot believe the conversation I just had with my almost 16 year-old. I was folding clothes. She had just gotten back from Fruit Loop and Sugar's house (her bio dad and step-moo). I said "Hold up a minute. Come grab your clothes and take them with you, please." And that's when she responded "Oh yeah, I bought a new shirt and a new pair of pants this weekend. I sooooo needed new clothes." WTF? This is the child who has used her own money to buy a new shirt/pants/skirt/sweater/etc. the last 4-5 weeks in a row. This is the child who--just off the top of my head--has at least 10 pair of pants and over 20 shirts. And this child sooooo needed new clothes? Am I taking crazy pills? Do I live in some weird alternate form of reality? Well, I responded to her with "Uh, no--you did not need new clothes. You've bought lots of clothes lately, but it's your money--so that's fine. But you certainly didn't need them."

It sends me over the edge...it really does...my child is one of a subset of the population that EASILY/QUICKLY becomes bored with everything. She is constantly asking me to down new music because she is so bored with what she has. She gets tired of her clothes, shoes, bags and hairstyle. As a matter of fact, she has had 6 different hairstyles in the last 9 months. I don't know if I've had 6 different hairstyles in my whole life... I understand wanting to "spice up" your life. I have no problem with people wanting to add variety to their wardrobe and heaven only knows I have no issues with someone buying a new handbag. But isn't there something to be said about having some tried and true "go to" items? Isn't there something comforting about the old standby stuff or the incredible music you've loved all your life?

Part of what is wrong with our world is our "disposable culture"...I'm tired of my perfectly functional 22 inch TV...I want a 42 inch flat screen...I've had my cell phone for an entire year...I need a new one...I've had my hairstyle for 2 months...It's so old...I need a new one. We have disposable everything. Heck, I've read about lots of rock stars that have riders in their contracts asking for brand new socks at each tour stop...so that they don't have to worry about washing their socks. They just throw away what they have on and put the new ones on. And the whole celebrity red carpet thing--you can only wear a dress 1 time and NEVER again. Who in the hell lives like that?

At some point all of the consumer insanity needs to stop. I have no idea what will stop it, but I know exactly what will--and is--happening if it doesn't stop. And frankly...it's scary.

Keeping my chin up...

2009-03-01T14:05:00.000-08:00

Do you ever feel like the Universe is working against you? At times, I do feel that way. This past week was one of those times.

First, my family has purchased some new furniture recently as all the furniture we've ever owned has been hand-me-downs--literally every piece--and much of it has been falling apart for some time. Since I turn 36 in April, I don't feel bad about the purchase. 36 years of no new furniture whatsoever is pretty good. My husband took great pains to save ALL the packaging and haul it 20 minutes away to the recycling center. I give him loads of credit for this. A year or so ago, he most likely wouldn't have done this. As he was separating the cardboard from the plastic and the styrofoam, he noticed that the plastic recycling container was missing. At the same time one of the recycling center workers was driving by in a mini-forklift and yelled "Just throw it all in the same container--we just burn that crap anyways!" This was very disheartening for my husband. He figured "Why waste my time trying to dispose of stuff responsibly if they are just going to lump it together and burn it?" Now, I know that styrofoam can't truly be recycled, but does it need to be burned? It all sounds scary to me...

Second, a few times now, the recycling truck has skipped our house and doesn't pick up our recycling for the week despite the fact that we set it out the night before so that we don't miss them. When my husband called to let the company know this happened, they said they would send someone out to pick it up--and then they CHARGED us $15! Bastards!!! They charged us for not doing their job properly and having to correct their sloppy work. Absolutely brilliant... Well, last week they forgot again, but my husband didn't want to be charged, so instead of calling he tossed everything in the trash can--because they never forget to pick up our stuff. This made me really sad (that the company would put a customer in this type of situation). He has gone out of his way to recycle--which doesn't necessarily come naturally to him--and our recycling bin was full...which leaves a person in a rather precarious situation. I told him he should call the company, let them know the error (again) and insist we NOT be charged for the pick up. He chose to toss it in the trash can--and I understand his frustration...I really do. And you know what? I should have picked it all out of the trash and called the recycling company myself--but I didn't.

I should also note--my husband is an awesome individual. He didn't just think "screw it--I don't care about the environment". He is the one who has planted the garden and composted--without me ever saying a word...completely his ideas. He loves supporting local businesses and has often been the one to haul me out of bed to go to the Farmer's Market with him.

Which leads me to my current musing: All of us have times in our lives where we will fight the good fight. We'll see it all the way through...but what happens when you feel out of your element to begin with? What happens when you're exhausted (mentally or physically) and you run up against a brick wall? We all have times where we should speak up, but we can't..mentally, physically, emotionally...we just can't...we want to, but we don't. Sometimes it's hard to "keep your chin up" when the people who are supposed to care (i.e. the recycling company) don't seem to care.

The best I can muster up right now is to mentally prepare for them to forget my recycleables next week--and to call them on it.

Coming Out of Hiding...

2009-02-10T18:38:00.000-08:00

She's ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Muaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!

Where have I been? 2 teenagers with Bipolar Disorder...need I say more?

So what pray tell could bring me out hiding? Well, while our new president has been sworn into office (a history making event indeed), and the economic stimulus package is being hotly debated...Minnesota's senatorial election isn't over yet. Did you know that? While every other states' senators are deciding what to do to help our country Minnesota has no such representation in Washington D.C. yet. This annoys me...

For those who don't know--it is down to the incumbent Norm Coleman (who unmistakably looks like Mr. Ed and has a disturbing Boston accent) and Al Franken...no you aren't seeing things...I said Al Franken as in Stuart Smalley/Saturday Night Live. Now please don't misunderstand me, I harbor no ill will towards the people of Boston or their accents. I just find it hard to overcome a midwestern state having a senator with a very thick Boston accent. And while numerous crass remarks have been made about having someone from SNL become our state senator--may I remind folks that our state voted Jesse "The Body" Ventura--a professional friggin' wrestler--in as governor a few years back... One could reasonably argue that the cold has frozen our brain cells! :)

Because I don't expect you all to have been following Minnesota politics--allow me to give you a quick run down of this particular senatorial race...On election night after many (not all but many) of the votes were counted, Norm Coleman had the audacity to declare himself the winner. Now mind you--Al Franken had NOT conceded defeat. Norm just decided "What the hell, I won!" The race was so close by the end of the night/next morning (within a few hundred votes) that a mandatory recount took place--by state law. Many thought Coleman was ahead at that time. Franken maintained that he would abide by whatever the recount came up with. Coleman swore he'd fight until the bitter end--going to court if necessary. After the recount was all said and done, it turned out that Al Franken won by 225 votes. Think about that--225 votes.

In other words (and to emphasize the gravity of the situation) all the eligible voters in a 6 block radius around my house (including myself) made the difference between winning and losing a major election...225 votes. We aren't talking about a school board member or a small town mayor (not that those people aren't important, because they are)--we are talking about a state senator--someone with major political force/influence.

So Franken won, right? Well kind of...Coleman's camp filed a lawsuit and now the whole deal is in court (as promised), so Minnesota is ass-out of representation for that Senate seat for the time being. While the economy is crumbling more and more every day...while THOUSANDS of people all over the U.S. are being laid-off...while the housing market is dying and small businesses are dropping like flies...my state has an empty Senate seat and the people of Minnesota have no voice.

Well, I said in my last post (before my unexpected hiatus) that I wasn't going to go political...and I tried not too. But enough is enough--this is crazy. In my city alone, IBM just laid off 800 people last week with another 200 expected to be laid off by summertime. The Mayo Clinic made national news by discontinuing their Clinical Trials division--which directly impacted my family. And Minnesota is down a state senator?

Let's stop the madness folks. Someone needs to take this loss on the chin like a man so we can move forward. I vote Coleman off the island because of his arrogance on election night, sore loser lawsuit and striking likeness to Mr. Ed. Let's get Franken suited up and in the game.

The Duck is back--QUACK!

Can't do it...Can't go political with ya'll...

2008-09-07T14:03:00.000-07:00

Don't get me wrong...I'll vote in the upcoming election. I hate politics...I hate politicians even more...however, I know I have a responsibility to become informed and cast my vote. I will do it...but I won't join anyone's campaign...I'll not be donating money to the whole ordeal...I won't be making witty/snarky/sarcastic/cynical comments against any political candidate(s) on this or anyone else's blog. I certainly won't be forwarding ridiculous and unfounded mass e-mails about any political candidates.

I got burned out on politics and the media during the campaign of 2000. The constant Gore won, Bush won, Gore won, Bush won flip-flopping crap pissed me off beyond comprehension. There was no call for it. If you don't know within 98% certainty who will win--shut up Mr. Media...

So as seldomly as I'm able to blog anymore...none of it will be about politics other than to say "Please vote however you believe to be right for you---but please, do vote."

What have I been up to then? Reading...Jane Eyre (forgot how good it was/is...really good) and Pride and Prejudice (still amazing how books can so far and away be better than the movies)...I've been working lots and surviving major uproars at work...and of course with it being so close to fall...my youngest is manic...right on cue. Also, we had to tear our garage down due to severe and irreparable safety issues...so we've been dealing with demolition and pouring of new concrete, etc.

Oh! And don't forget my extremely needy dogs...gosh I love those needy, wretched creatures! My Jack (Bichon Frise) has had another bout of moist dermatitis requiring a change in food, an addition of costly nutritional supplements, and the dreaded e-collar on top of having to drop him off every Saturday for the past 3 weeks at the vet so that she may administer a different vaccine each week and moniter him for any further side effects. My Finley (golden retriever/Bernese Mt dog mix) gifted us with a present last Thursday morning...we woke up to view his explosive fit of diarrhea in the kitchen... It's like friggin' dejavu...you've all heard these 2 stories from me before! Anyways...on Wednesday I received some very upsetting news at/about work and was very emotional...by the time I got home I was in no mood for hyper dogs or children. Both my "boys" seemed almost to sense my sadness and sat by me as good as gold as if to say "Mama--we love you...we'll be good, promise! We'll make you feel better!" And that they certainly did.

And...by me detailing these events, please don't think I'm bitching and moaning...I'm not. I'm just trying to be honest. Everything thus far--despite it's stressful nature--is turning out OK and in some cases very well. So on that note...I think I might go start another book...whatcha think Emma, Persuasion, Sense and Sensibility...? I'm on a classical literature kick now...I love Jane Austen...

Struggling...

2008-08-20T20:57:00.001-07:00

While so many people in the "green blogger" world have been triumphing and sacrificing and doing without in the name of all that is environmental...I've been purchasing things...predominantly clothing/accessories...they haven't been wacky, senseless purchases, but they have still been purchases. You see, I'm struggling...unlike some--I work in a professional office environment. Currently "business casual" is acceptable attire, but they are piloting a new "business formal only" dress policy that could go office-wide/mandatory. For me, this would mean skirts, blouses, dress pants, and suit coats. We already have a strict policy requiring socks or pantyhose for women at all times. We are not allowed to wear cargo pants, capris, shorts, tank tops, flip flops or jeans. For the past 5 years I've been skimming by with the absolute bare minimum/loose interpretation of the dress code...but lately I've wanted to dress better--not more expensively--just better. I feel that for a long time I'd kind of given up on my appearance and now I'm starting to want to feel "put together" again. By no means, do I want to be all hair, nails and make-up...I just want people to take me seriously and feel good about my representing their company.

At the same time I don't want to be wasteful and a clothing whore. It's hard...I do not at all support the thought that someone should be judged by their appearance...and yet we are judging and being judged by our appearance everyday. I want people at work to ask for and value my opinion, but who wants to trust someone who is a total slob? And...following along the "dressing for success" conundrum...I've been hooked on watching What Not To Wear. I love to see the transformation of the participants and hear how the show has touched their hearts.

Well, I better head for bed now...I keep nodding off in front of my computer...I'll write more about all of this later! Ciao!!!

100 Thing Challenge...Really?...OMG...Ick...

2008-08-04T06:54:00.000-07:00

This is quite possibly "old news" to many of you...but it is new to me and has really got me thinking about it over the past couple of weeks. Check it out:

http://www.guynameddave.com/100-thing-challenge.html

Could you live--happily--with only 100 personal items for a year...or better yet for the rest of your life? It sounds like a lot of stuff. It sounds easy to do, but when you start adding up your stuff...well, that's another story. My husband is 100% certain that he could do it...and I believe him. Actually, he has done it before. When he moved to Oregon to help out his dad 7 or 8 years ago, he slept in a tent for 6 months and had far less things than that. My husband also has stricter standards for the 100 Thing Rules than I would. He views 1 pair of shoes as 1 thing. He views each dish as 1 thing....each book is one thing (which is just sadistic)...however I bet I could trip him up when it comes to tools...or maybe not...he's pretty darn good.

My interpretation of the rules is far more liberal. I think underwear (as a group) is 1 item...not 1 item per pair. I think 5 handbags should count as 1 item...3 pairs of shoes should be 1 item...5 books should be 1 item. While I love the look of a minimalist house and I love the idea of a simplified life, I'm still too attached to my stuff. So here I am back at square one...being attached to my stuff...Miss Consumer...Miss Materialistic.

Please don't misunderstand...I'm not "being too hard on myself"...and I know I'm not alone...many people are in the same boat as I am...as a matter of fact, I think I'm in the boat with the majority of folks... But, this also reaffirms that I need to keep re-evaluating. I need to keep revisiting this topic until I get a better handle on it. I need to keep purging stuff.

The old saying "Less is more" is absolutely true...it's true for wearing make-up...it's true for eating potato chips and it's true for owning stuff...

Looks like I've got work to do...I better get to it.

Holy King Corn, Batman!!!

2008-07-31T08:39:00.000-07:00

So while I was out on sabbatical I rented the movie, King Corn. Has anyone else seen this movie? Wowie-zowie! It was jam-packed with information that I had never thought about/knew about before. It also made me a hard-core believer in pasture-raised/fed animals for my meat and dairy product purchases. I didn't realize how much corn had infected every facet of our lives!

**Spoiler alert...The most interesting and disturbing scene in the documentary was footage shot at the University of Iowa. Researchers are studying how corn affects cattle and they actually had this huge-ass cow in some sort of containment contraption and the guy stuck his hand through a big hole in the cow's side, reached into one of the cow's stomachs and pulled out some of the rotting food! My husband and I first saw it and looked at each other and said "That wasn't really a hole into the cow's stomach...nah, that'd be insane...", so we played it back two more times. After the first replay we said "Oh my g-d! That is a friggin' hole in the cow all the way to his stomach! Oh my g-d!" After the second replay we just sat there staring, mouths wide-open, noses wrinkled and saying "Ick...ew...yucky". This movie was the first time that I heard (from respected, legitimate researchers/scientists) that when cows eat corn, they quickly develop 'subacute acidosis'--a condition that causes them severe pain to the point that they kick at their bellies, go off the feed and will even eat dirt to try and stop it. And they endure all of this so that we can purchase our milk in mass quantity for low prices at our neighborhood "Big Box" chain stores!

However, I don't want to short-change this movie...there was SO much more to it than just feeding cows corn. It sheds light on how mucked up our government subsidies for farmers are and how corn is in EVERYTHING now pretty much by design and how this all just really took hold in the last 25 years. King Corn was enlightening, well-informed, well-made and thought-provoking. If you haven't seen it yet...it requires only about 90 minutes of your life and I highly doubt you'll regret it!

Where in the Hell have I been?

2008-07-30T05:28:00.000-07:00

Ya know...around...I don't know what to say...I was getting caught up in the "How many people read my blog? How can I get more comments? What will really strike a chord with people?" thing and getting WAY too emotionally invested...and not in a good way. I was moving from 'trying to change my life in a positive way' to 'how friggin' popular can I be'...and that's not a healthy place for me to be. So I took a whole lotta months off...

Not to mention I lost my mind in the middle of a "Buy Nothing Challenge"...I went the opposite direction...I think I bought more that month than ever...and it kind of threw off my emotional center of gravity...(wow that sounds a little drama queenesque...) Anyways, I'm back...don't know if anyone will notice...I've been gone so long--I'm sure a few have given up and I don't blame them!

So I leave you with this thought provoking question: With the economy as downright sucky as it is--how does a person afford hormone/antibiotic free milk every week?...seriously, it's been buggin' me...

Zero Population Growth...

2008-03-19T21:29:00.001-07:00

Say what? Oh yeah, I went there. This one is for my peeps (leslie, I'm winking at you!)...

So, ground rules and basic important statements:

I am not--in any way--telling people what they should/should not do.
I merely trying to foster an interesting and important discussion.
I am NOT an expert on this topic. I am posting my initial thoughts, but am positive that there will be many points which others think of that I have not...so let me know what I miss.
I know many fantastic parents of larger families (with 4+ children)--I am in NO way saying that they shouldn't have had their kids. I am not criticizing them in any way. Again--this topic is to spur healthy discussion NOT to offend anyone.
I also know an increasing number of couples who have chosen not to have any children...and they are happy fulfilled individuals.
I absolutely welcome comments to this post, so feel free to join in the discussion as long as it is in a respectful manner.

What is Zero Population Growth?...Well, it has a longer explanation--but I'm condensing it down to the bare bones: Birth rate equals death rate. There are a lot of factors that make up or effect both of these rates. Education, economy, health care...are just a few of the many factors.

So why am I even mentioning the concept of zero population growth? You can only fit so many nails in a piece of wood before it splits into a bazillion splinters...the same concept is true of the Earth and how many people it can hold/sustain. In 1999, our planet passed the 6 BILLION person mark. By 2050, we are expected to top 9 billion...and China is NOT predicted to be the most populated country at that time! India is currently hot on China's heals and by that time is predicted to overtake China's population. Have you compared the land mass of China to that of India lately? Go do it right now...I'll wait...no really I have time...don't lie to me...you didn't check...fine, but you're only hurting yourself by not looking it up... China is WAY larger than India...and India is going to be the most populous country? I don't mean to be an Alarmist Annie, but that doesn't sound like a good thing.

Let's start with the basics...food...how will we as a planet feed everyone? People are already starving to death...should we just add a couple more billion people then? This is a point of debate as many believe that we produce enough food on the planet to feed everyone--we just aren't able to get the food to the needy people due to politics, economy, etc. Regardless, no one can dispute the fact that people are starving everyday. Next...water...clean, potable water...where are we going to get it? In America and Canada we turn on our faucets and let it flow, but in Africa and other parts of the world--people travel miles to bring back drinkable/usable water every single day. Most of the Earth might be made up of water, but most of that water is salt water. Desalination is costly--not just monetarily but also due to the energy/resources it takes to desalinate the water. Third basic point--how do we dispose of the human waste? According to an article I read today on CNN.com, handling waste and the public health issues of not properly handling waste is the biggest problem that we will face in rapidly growing urban areas in the developing world. This means a huge potential for the spread of disease. A fourth point would be the drain on resources worldwide...wood for furniture, metal for tools, coal/wood/whatever for cooking and heating, cotton/hemp for clothing, etc. More people means more drain on these resources...prices skyrocket...resources become scarce.

So what do we do to stop this runaway train? Well...some people think that zero population growth is the answer or at least part of the answer. That means birth control would need to be made accessible--possibly free--especially to the poor. It's not fair/right to say "no money for birth control, no sex"...you can't make having sex or having children a right exclusive to the rich. Education...if I've quoted School House Rock once, I've quoted it a thousand times "Knowledge is Power"! The old wives' tales need to be put to rest. You CAN get pregnant when you're breastfeeding. You CAN get pregnant the first time you have sex. Taking a bath immediately after sex will NOT keep you from getting pregnant...etc.

Now I'm really going into some touchy territory...maybe some people should choose not to have biological children at all... Many thousands of children all over the world are in orphanages and foster care...they need parents...they need protection, love, care, education...basically they need a real chance at survival. A man I work with just became a first-time grandparent when his son and daughter-in-law traveled to Vietnam to adopt a beautiful baby girl...not because they couldn't have biological children, but because they felt it was the right choice for them to adopt. Step-parenting is another way to become a parent...My husband is not my daughters' "biological father", but he is EVERY bit their father. He gets upset when anyone dares to mention that they "aren't his real kids". He and I have chosen not to have biological children together, but he doesn't feel as if he is "missing out" on anything. He is just as much of a parent as I am...in fact, sometimes he is a far better one! Other people may choose not to become parents at all--and that is perfectly acceptable too! Although having a child can be wonderful--it is not for everyone. I highly respect those people who are honest enough to say "No, I don't think becoming a parent is right for me" for whatever reason.

I'm sure that I'm missing a whole bunch of good points and great information that should have made it into this post...I've been ruminating over this topic and trying to get this post written for almost a week now...finally, I just sat down and pounded out what was in the forefront of my brain...After re-reading what I've written, I now realize that I've almost exclusively addressed controlling the birth rate and really haven't touched on the death rate at all. The two need to be equal to achieve zero population growth. However, I do not advocate war, mass killings, fatal epidemics, smoking or poor health care...so that pretty much leaves me with the concept of controlling the birth rate as it (in my mind) is by far the most humane option.

Well, am I just some wacko nut case with a weird birth control fetish?...Does any of this make sense to anyone besides myself?

Klean Kanteen Wrap-up

2008-03-18T06:15:00.001-07:00

Yeah, I know everyone's tired of hearing about this...but it's bugging me--big time. I sent a follow-up e-mail to Klean Kanteen to ask them if the potential steel fragments they mentioned in their previous e-mail to me would cause any health risks. This is their reply:

The stainless on stainless friction may lead to a small amount of stainless residue getting into your beverage after a prolonged period of time. We have done testing of screwing and unscrewing the caps thousands of times on a dry bottle, and didn’t find any residue at the bottom of the bottle. This was basically just a precaution that we made because we had a large customer of ours point out this possibility to us.

The polypropylene on stainless will not cause the same type of friction as the plastic is more forgiving and won’t break apart like the stainless might.

I don't really know what to make of all of this...they did plenty of testing and never had a problem...which leads me to believe that this was primarily a cost cutting measure that they readily adopted when they thought they had a good enough reason to...

I know that some people are able to buy the lids and the bottles separately, but the only way I'm able to buy Klean Kanteens in my area is via the internet. The bottle comes directly from the company's website now with an all plastic cap--you have to PAY EXTRA for a stainless steel & plastic cap if you don't want the plastic touching your drink. Prior to January of this year, the Kanteens came with a stainless steel cap at no extra charge. Well, I'll shut up about this now...I know after 3 posts about it, people must be tired of it. I just hate to see a good product that I used and a company I respected...go down this path.

It's true...maybe I'm not quite so crazy as I originally thought...

2008-03-13T10:11:00.000-07:00

A couple of posts ago, I asked if anyone else had noticed that Klean Kanteen had switched from stainless steel (with a little bit of plastic) caps to all polypropylene (fancy plastic) caps...although no one responded in the affirmative at that time, I e-mailed the company to inquire about it.

Guess what? I wasn't crazy nor was I making up stories...it's true. I received a reply from the company today. Here it is:

Thank You for your email and your support of Klean Kanteen!

This all polypropylene cap change was made on Jan. 1st for 3 different reasons:

1) The continual rising costs of stainless steel, and our desire to keep our bottle prices at the current price levels. This change keeps our cap prices down and allows us to do this.
2) The stainless on stainless threading of our bottles and caps. Many customers have voiced concern that over time small amounts of stainless residue are getting into their drinks from the screwing and unscrewing of these caps.
3) The noise that is made from the screwing and unscrewing of the stainless caps. This is not a big concern of ours, but customers do complain about it.

If you have any further questions please contact me via the info below.

Chris Carlson
Awareness Representative
One planet, one you!

So...in pondering point #2 from the letter above...has anyone else encountered this? Does anyone have knowledge of stainless steel that could address this theory? I had already guessed prior to receiving the response that financial reasons were coming into play here... The noise of the lid never really bothered me... But I find the whole "small amounts of stainless steel residue" to be very curious...

More thoughts on water...

2008-03-11T06:39:00.001-07:00

If you didn't catch it yet today (and you probably already have)...No Impact Man had a post on the "water issue". You can read it here: http://noimpactman.typepad.com/blog/2008/03/bottled-water-i.html

I highly recommend reading the comments on his post as well. Sharon from Casaubon's Book posted a very intelligent idea about people implementing composting toilets instead of eliminating our waste into water that is eventually turned back into drinking water.

Let me be clear that I'm not advocating anyone stop taking their necessary medications. My daughters will not be stopping their meds anytime soon. However...(and don't you just love 'howevers'?)...a lot of the pharmaceuticals found in the water supply were not even prescription medications. Caffeine, ibuprofen (aka Advil/Motrin, etc.) and acetaminophen (aka Tylenol, etc.) are over-the-counter meds that you can buy at any supermarket, pharmacy and convenience store. And what about the antibiotics that were found? And the hormones from birth control pills that were found in the water supply? Are those 100% necessary pharmaceuticals?...yes and no. We definitely need antibiotics to fight bacterial infections and birth control for obvious reasons...but I think we can all agree that antibiotics are prescribed/used FAR more often than they need to be or should be. And...there are other good options for birth control as well.

So, I guess what I'm saying is: Do we really need to pop a pill for every little ache or pain? And isn't it a medical fact that antibiotics are meant for bacterial infections not viruses? Do we really need to have 5 cups of coffee...or are 2 cups sufficient? Do we need the venti, ultra-mega-huge cup or is the standard 8 oz. cup that our grandparents used sufficient? With the explosion of coffee houses, fast food restaurants (that offer soda more readily than water) and energy drinks (which are almost entirely caffeine and high fructose corn syrup)...we have made the consumption of caffeine our new national past time!

In my mind, it all goes back to the same thing...moderation, moderation, moderation. I do not need to drink 4 Mountain Dews a day! I like my caffeine as well as the next person...believe me...I do. But maybe I need to re-think my caffeine consumption... I will still use pain relievers for severe headaches, but maybe I need to re-think what constitutes a severe headache...

Between the oceans full of plastic debris and the country's water system full of trace amounts of pharmaceuticals...it is time to re-think what we are doing...on every level...in every facet of our lives. That's it...that's my new mantra. It just hit me like a ton of bricks as I typed it. My own little "epiphany"...

It is time to re-think what we are doing...

Did anyone else catch this?...

2008-03-10T08:08:00.000-07:00

http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/03/10/pharma.water1.ap/index.html

Prescription drugs in our drinking water? Really? Yuck! And...I noticed from the map linked to the article that this applies to MY state specifically. Double yuck! My area is not as bad as some of the others, but it just makes me think "Dude, what the hell have we done?" We are paying the price for our past thoughtless actions...not cool...

AND...did anyone else notice on the Klean Kanteen website that they have started selling their water bottles with all-plastic caps and are charging EXTRA for stainless steel caps now? When did that happen? That is not cool. I have had such high respect for their company...now I'm kind of thrown for a loop. Why backtrack like that? I sent them an e-mail inquiring as to why they chose to do this. If/when I get a response...I'll post it here.

This is not ducky folks...not ducky at all...

Honey, I'm home!...

2008-03-09T07:28:00.000-07:00

Where the heck have I been? Oh, you know...around...(manic child got a 3 day out-of-school suspension...I had to meet with the admin of her school and take her to far more doctor's/counseling appointments than I'd like to...honestly)...but I won't bore you with the details...and you know what the "kicker" in all of this is? I had just signed up for a Stress Less Challenge on Chile Chews blog! That actually made me laugh...you have to enjoy the humor of these kinds of things!

However, never being one to pass up a double meaning...I found a very interesting local grower/supplier of honey! It was started and is still run by two cardiologists who work at the same medical center that I do. They are married to each other and have 3 children. Each of the children is responsible for their own wildflower garden in different areas around town and each garden is unique...therefore making the batches of honey different. Not only do they sell honey, but they also make lotions and some amazing smelling soap using the honey. As a matter of fact, I always used to stop and smell the soap (don't judge me) when I was in the "organic" section of my local market...but I never bought it because I thought it was probably trucked in from California or China or Mexico...someplace far, far away...if I would have stopped long enough to investigate it, I would have found out that it is made right here in Minnesota! If you want to check out their website (and see some beautiful pictures of their wildflower gardens): http://www.johnstonhoney.com/

So you know what this means...I can buy the soap from now on and the honey! It's all very cool.

Make your own laundry detergent...I do!

2008-03-03T16:56:00.000-08:00

I've been making my own laundry detergent for almost a year now. I don't even know how or why I started exactly...I'm pretty sure it had something to do with hearing that it was better for the environment. When I realized that it would save me oodles of money I was sold on it. I used to pay $15 for a huge bottle of Cheer every 2-3 weeks. Now I spend approximately $11 every 3-4 months...pretty darn exciting even if I do say so myself!

I found several recipes out on the internet, so I took the main ingredients found in most of them and came up with this:

1 cup grated Fels Naptha
1/2 cup Washing Soda--not to be confused with Baking Soda which is different and should not be substituted.
1/2 cup Borax
1/4 cup Oxy Clean Crystals/Powder (totally optional)

I mix it all together in a container and use 2 Tablespoons per large load of laundry (1 Tablespoon for a medium or small load, which is far less efficient...no guilt or pressure here...). I only wash in cold water, so I put the homemade laundry detergent in first and run the water a little to dissolve it a bit.

I typically make it up in bigger batches than what I listed though. Honestly, I take the recipe times 7 and make a big batch all at once. It doesn't have an overpowering smell at all. The clothes come out smelling clean...that's about it. I haven't noticed any fading of colors to speak of...I don't find myself re-washing any clothes. I'm able to find all of these "ingredients" at my local grocery store...if you can't, I can let you know what the ISBN numbers are and you could see if they'd order them for you.

I've given samples to my mom, sister and mother-in-law. They all think it works great. My mother-in-law even went so far as to bundle it up in cute cloth packages and now sells it at her local grower's market alongside her famous homemade fudge. And I'm not bitter at all that she is making money off my detergent recipe while I'm not allowed to know her fudge recipe...not bitter at all...nope not me...I'm very grateful to have shared with her while not even receiving one shred of acknowledgement for giving the recipe to her...I'm completely at peace with the whole issue...(may the "secret ingredient" in her beloved fudge be the first fatality of food shortages and global warming)...just call me Ms. Zen...I'm so happy for her!

Anyways, so I figure if I can make the stuff up and religiously use it for a whole year...then anyone can do it. I don't have a creative, artsy fartsy bone in my body... Buttering bread is serious cooking as far as I'm concerned and vacuuming (just the living room) is considered "cleaning all day"...trust me--anyone can handle this one.

Bright Spot for the Winter Time Blues

2008-03-01T08:30:00.000-08:00

Even up here in Minnesota where it is so stinkin' cold your thermometer breaks...we have a winter farmer's market. It only runs from 9-Noon on the 1st and 3rd Saturdays of the month, but at least we have one! I shamefully admit that I had never been to it until this morning. I didn't know what to expect from it (nothing grows in the snow/ice) but was pleasantly surprised. It is THE place to buy your organic beef, pork, lamb and chicken if you are of the meat-eating persuasion. They of course had local free range eggs, local honey, apples, potatoes, onions, garlic, jams/jellies, baked goods and cheese. My family picked up some eggs, ground beef and bacon.

On the way home from the farmer's market we stopped by our local market and picked up...for the first time ever...milk in a glass bottle. I know...I know...I'm behind the rest of the class on this one...everyone else is already doing it...but I haven't been. I've been buying local milk in a plastic jug... But better late than never, right? I can't wait to try it! I hope it's super yummy...(cough)...oh by the way...it's chocolate milk...(cough, cough)....

Anyways, this excursion was a much needed bright spot in the dim happenings of our home life lately...things with my youngest have escalated to gigantic proportions, much of which I have not touched on here. Folks, it's been bad...like I cried for 3 hours straight yesterday bad.

So thank goodness that this was the first Saturday of the month so that we could go to the farmer's market! And thank goodness that my husband remembered and recommended it! I had totally forgotten about it. I can't wait to go again. It has even got my husband and I talking about buying 1/4 or 1/2 a side of beef from our favorite seller at the market. That would be wonderful...hopefully we can turn this idea into reality. That would be super cool.

What have you all been up to? Sit down and let's chat awhile... We've got a lot of catching up to do...and you look fabulous, by the way...

In the Belly of the Beast...

2008-02-28T19:49:00.000-08:00

I'd like to talk about environmental issues...I really would. That would be a much needed vacation for me right now. I can't though...not yet...youngest daughter is in the middle of a really bad manic episode. At some point, someone is going to read this blog and think "Does this woman do anything other than bitch and moan?" All I can say is--If you have bipolar disorder or schizophrenia or some psychiatric diagnosis along those lines...or if someone close to you that you love has such a diagnosis...then you understand. If your life has been so "lucky" to have not been affected by psychiatric illness in some fashion...be grateful...be thankful...go read the fabulous eco-warrior blogs out there and fight the good fight for me.

My youngest is hearing voices/noises again...ones that aren't real. It's happened before during manic episodes, but it frightens me each time I hear that it is happening. We've just about maxed out our pharmaceutical options...that means we might be headed for another stay in the hospital. She'll turn 12 years old in under two weeks. School isn't going well for her...teachers are getting tired of "dealing with her". I'm getting fatigued...very fatigued...which I'm sure is nothing in comparison to what she is feeling...

On a happier note...my sister is doing well. She had a mastectomy a couple of days ago as I noted in an earlier post...but she is recovering...and that is a very good thing.

Another happy thought...I discovered that a lady I work fairly closely with is becoming more and more interested in environmental issues. She is interested in hearing/talking about recycling, getting rid of plastic bags/water bottles, composting and sustainable living. It is nice to be able to have an actual conversation...face to face with someone about it...it challenges me and forces me to be "up to speed" with various eco-friendly concepts.

I'm gonna cut this short and go get some sleep. It is the best thing I can do when I feel like I'm living in the belly of the beast. Happier times are ahead folks...before you know it, I'll be just ducky again.

Yin and Yang...

2008-02-25T18:42:00.000-08:00

When my youngest daughter was just old enough to hold a crayon and draw recognizable pictures, she started drawing yin-yang symbols. She's always loved them. I'm not really sure where it all started...I don't have any hung up in our home...I can't think of where she would have been exposed to them, but as far back as I can remember in her lifetime--she's always loved the concept and visual symbol of yin-yang. It's very intriguing to me because of her bipolar. With the mania and the depression...she's known from a very young age--intuitively--what she needs...what she is striving for...balance.

On the flip side...or at least on a different avenue...one of my sisters is having a mastectomy tomorrow. She has spent the last 14 years trying to mold herself, her spouse and her children into "the All-American family". I can't fault her for wanting to be "normal"...for striving so hard to be "A good, normal, religious, hard working family". My life has not been "typical" for 15+ years...so I gave up that thought years ago. I've moved into acceptance and appreciation. Just over 6 years ago, the universe threw my sister a curve ball and she had an imperfect child. My niece has Rett Syndrome which renders her unable to speak, not very cognitively advanced, and not currently toilet-trained (nor do we know if she will ever be). Rett Syndrome falls under the umbrella of Autistic Disorders. My sister spent the first 4 years denying that there was a problem with my niece--when EVERYONE told her to take her to the doctor. She's spent the last 2 years trying every homeopathic and dietary option under the sun to try and "cure" her...to no avail. Please understand--my niece is one of the lights of my life. She is awesome...I'm just sad she hasn't gotten the medical help/occupational therapy that she needs. Then last August, my sister was diagnosed with the most aggressive form of breast cancer at the age of 39. She (like many moms) has always put herself/her health last. Even now...when she is about to have major surgery...she is making absolutely sure that the kids will not miss one dance practice, Girl Scout event or driver's education lesson. No one will miss a church service. No one will eat meat on Friday. She, being a lifelong pack rat, is racing around her house trying to make it "presentable" because my other two sisters are coming to stay at her house to take care of her during her recovery. We've all offered to help her...she refuses...we've all told her we don't care about the clutter...she brushes us off. She wants to be entirely self-sufficient and never, ever need/ask for help. She rushed around so much she fell down the stairs and majorly hosed up her knee. I saw her today and was mortified. She looks like death warmed over. None of her chemo took a toll on her like the stress of rushing around has taken a toll on her. I made her promise me that she'd take a nap. She told me "I haven't thought about myself in 2 months." My reply "You better start right now. You are the glue that holds your family together. If you aren't around...they'll fall apart." Again, please understand, I'm not judging my sister. I love her. And I know that everyone needs to make their own choices and follow their own path. But it is quite evident that she is headed down a destructive path. It's not an obvious one like drugs, alcoholism, excessive gambling...but she's hurting herself still the same. She has made the outward appearance of normalcy more important than health and well-being. She is willing to sacrifice her health and her family's health for social reputation. Every conversation I have with her includes what she "needs" to do so that she can please people in her community, church, in-laws, friends, teachers. When my niece bit the teacher's aide at school, the school wanted her to have my niece tested for AIDS. It is a common request because she broke the woman's skin. But my sister didn't want to have the test done because she was afraid that it might be resulted as a false positive and she and her husband donate blood in the community. She didn't want people to treat them differently IF a false positive were to show up as the result. There was no concern over my niece's health or the woman's health...just the possibility of people treating her differently. Ever since her cancer diagnosis my sister has been dwelling on "what she did wrong to deserve God's punishment"...WTF? I told her that I don't look at it as God's punishment. I look at it as a learning experience. It is one of the things necessary in your/your family's life to make you who you are supposed to be. It sucks...not doubt about that...but it's not "punishment"...

So why bring up both of these stories? I'm not sure...maybe it is the dichotomy between the two. One person striving for balance...the other person striving for a facade that keeps crumbling down around her. What is normal? Can we afford to be normal anymore? I've been treated "differently" for so long now...I can't even conceive of what normal looks like. Ever since I turned 18 I've chosen atypical paths...regretted it sometimes, appreciated it others, and had life throw a lot of curve balls at me. To me though, the key is balance. It's not "Are you appearing normal? Do you fit in?". It is "Is your life balanced? Are you feeling or striving for harmony?" I swear...the older I get...the more I feel like the stereotypical hippy. Peace and love...we just need peace and love...accept who you are and where you are at...be accepting of others...appreciate the atypical...learn to love the flaws...be kind to each other and to the earth... Don't worry--I promise I'm NOT smoking weed or dropping acid... Oh, and I'm still philosophically opposed to tie-dye...but I do have a mini-van which is sorta like a VW bus, right?

You know...I originally intended for this post to go in a different direction...somehow it just ended up like it is. I was going to be charmingly witty...you would laugh and make equally witty comments...and somehow I ended up waxing philosophical and throwing everyone--including myself--for a loop. Maybe I'll save the original idea for tomorrow. I won't force it. Whatever happens, happens. In the end...whatever is left will be just ducky I'm sure...

Semper paratus...

2008-02-23T16:45:00.000-08:00

This post might end up being "too much information" for some people...I don't care...It's super funny and mildly humiliating to me. I have the ability--at any given time--to make a complete fool of myself. I'm so good at this, that I've made it into a virtual art form.

First, the back story...a few months ago I was sitting at my desk at work when I started to get up to go get something to drink. While getting up I accidentally stepped on the leg/wheel of my chair and started falling. I tried to catch my footing--repeatedly--but ended up on the ground laughing my ass off 2 desks away. This was like a scene out of a movie--but it was real. The "best" part was...I peed my pants when I fell. Yup, I did. I peed. It wasn't a huge sloppy mess or anything...it was just enough to be soggy and uncomfortable the rest of the day. No one knew I peed my pants--black pants are awesome, but at least a couple of people saw me fall and we were all laughing hysterically.

No one ever told me, prior to having children, that my bladder/urethra would be hosed for life after childbirth. It's like some twisted form of hazing...women keeping this knowledge away from those who have never given birth...but completely willing to talk about it amongst themselves after having children. A sneeze, fall/trip or cough--and you pee. The only way around it is to squeeze your legs together so hard you could put a professional wrestler to shame.

And that wasn't the first fall and pee experience I've had...It's happened at least 4 times in the past 7 years. You see--I'm clumsy. My mind moves faster than my feet. My favorite/most memorable experience was when I was walking out of Best Buy last year. The pavement dips a little right outside the store and I wasn't paying attention to where I was going...one minute I was walking and in a split second I was lying on the ground...I'm not a potty-mouth kind of girl...you wouldn't know it from reading this blog...but I don't swear at home (unless the kids are asleep/gone) or at work at all...for some strange reason though when I fell this time--a very loud, prolonged "FUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK!" came out of my mouth. When I looked up the first thing I saw was a little 5 or 6 year old girl staring at me. I then heard her father say "Are you OK?"...I looked right at him and all I could say was "I'm so sorry I swore." He, being a very nice person, said "Don't worry about it--Are you OK?" I was super duper embarrassed...all I kept saying over and over was "I'm so sorry I swore. I'm so sorry I swore." I quickly got up and fast-walked to my minivan.

Fast forward to this past Friday...my husband and I work in the same building (different divisions) and we drive to work together everyday. My husband had parked and we had gotten out of the car to walk through the parking lot when I hit a patch of ice and just about did the splits. As always, a couple of people saw me. Although I didn't actually fall on the ground, I peed. As we continued walking into the building, I whispered "I peed." to my husband who is fully aware of my pee history. He said "Oh no!" Still embarrassed but yet a little smugly I told him "Don't worry. I have my back up undies in my file cabinet." What? Did I just admit that I keep a back up pair of underwear in my file cabinet?....Yup. After the first time I had to work all day with a soggy bottom, I decided to keep a pair of underwear wrapped up in a plastic bag hidden in the very back of my file cabinet for just such an occasion as this.

My husband gave a sigh of relief and I went immediately to my file cabinet and retrieved my "back up undies". I went to the bathroom, got in the stall, started taking off my pants when I realized things were far worse than I'd thought. Not only did I pee...I ripped my pants. This is something I had not prepared for...I've never ripped my pants in public before. So, I changed underoos, put my ripped pants back on and went back to my desk. I took a look at my calendar and said to myself "Screw it. I'm working until noon and then going home." The rip was fortunately contained to an area that was not visible to the world, however if it continued to rip any further--it would expose my peach colored undies. Considering I'm not an exhibitionist--I decided this was fate telling me to throw the towel in and enjoy the first fairly warm day we've had in over a month--far away from work.

So why did I decide to share all of this with the blogosphere? Well, it's just plain humorous. For a grown adult of fairly sane mind and healthy body to fall/pee that many times in a 7 year span must be some kind of world's record. And may I add--when I told of couple of co-workers (women) about my back up underoos they were jealous. Both of them thought it was genius and one of them told me she was going to do the same thing. Finally, it just goes to show that no matter how much you prepare for in life--life has a way of throwing you a curve ball that says "Nope. You weren't ready for this one, were you?" No matter how much we plan, calculate, store, prepare, study or communicate--life happens on its own terms regardless of your preparation. And when it does...you better take it in stride or you'll end up one stressed out, frazzled individual. I consider myself fortunate...I got to take a 1/2 day off of work to enjoy the sun...and though I wasn't prepared for what life had in store for me...everything turned out just ducky.

The Great Hurdle...

2008-02-21T20:15:00.001-08:00

One of the greatest hurdles I've run up against--within myself and with others--on the road to becoming an eco-warrior is the phrase "I don't want to". That phrase can bring a fantastic idea to a screeching halt in a moments notice. It can vaporize even the best of intentions. How do you contend with that? How can a person clear that hurdle?

Just for fun let us run through a scenario to illustrate my point...for the sake of keeping me humble, I will illustrate an internal conversation I've had before....
(Setting: Dairy Aisle in Grocery Store)
Rational Self: You shouldn't buy the individual servings of yogurt. They are a huge waste of packaging and you know it is a pain in the butt to try and get the containers recycled. You always just end up throwing them away...(quietly and trailing off)...loser.
Stupid Self: I need my yogurt fix...What are you the yogurt police now? So what brilliant alternatives are you proposing then?
Rational Self: Well, you could buy the really big container and dish out individual servings...or you could make your own yogurt at home.
Stupid Self: Dishing out individual servings of yogurt is time-consuming as well as impractical for my hectic schedule and then you also run into the disgusting possibility that grubby little children have eaten directly out of the container. Making your own yogurt limits your flavor variety...I'd like to see you try and make Apricot/Mango or Pina Colada at home...Don't restrict my flavors, man!
Rational Self: If you make your own yogurt you can control the ingredients. That's always a bonus!
Stupid Self: I'm not taking out a second mortgage so you can buy organic milk for your precious homemade yogurt.
Rational Self: You know it's the right thing to do...
Stupid Self: But I don't want to.
Rational Self: You want to kill the earth and all the animal life on it? You want to make the landfills explode at the seems with all of your stupid yogurt containers?
Stupid Self: No.
Rational Self: Then put the friggin' individual serving yogurt containers back on the shelf, dumb ass.
Stupid Self: Nope. Don't want to.
Rational Self: Come on! What's your problem? Just do it already... Stop being a jerk.
Stupid Self: Look...I don't want to give up my yogurt...can we just move on? Lets just agree to disagree. We're buying the yogurt...
Rational Self: Put it back you selfish, earth-killing pig!
Stupid Self: (Laughing at Rational Self) Did you just call me an earth-killing pig? Dude, wouldn't that be crazy...like seeing a giant pig taking a big bite out of the earth...chomp, chomp!
Rational Self: You are the most immature person I've ever met...just try making your own yogurt...just once...if you hate it, you can go back to buying the ridiculously wasteful individual portions....OK?
Stupid Self: Nope. Don't want to. End of story.

Now do you all see what I deal with on a daily basis? Talking to myself, lack of discipline, lack of motivation, lack of energy...I'm seeing a pattern here...I seem to be rather "lacking" don't I?....

Granted, there are some things that we really shouldn't cut out of our lives--even if we are trying to become eco-warriors. Medications that are necessary for our physical and mental well-being are non-negotiable. Adequate medical and dental care overall is something that we should not give up just for the sake of our desire to be eco-friendly. While I absolutely believe we should push hospitals, clinics, pharmacies, medical goods companies and drug companies to develop ecologically friendly products and services, our current health and safety is just as important.

But outside of that--why do we hold on to so much crap? Why is it so hard to give up certain things or pay more for "greener" alternatives? Why can't we do these things that are better for us and for the environment? When it comes to sacrificing certain beloved products...why don't we want to try?

I'm sure there is some wonderful philosophical explanation...and that's what I'm NOT looking for...I'm looking for the thing I can say or do to attempt to change the "I don't want to" into the "Yeah, I guess I could try it."

Any ideas?

Can I resign from being a parent?

2008-02-19T20:32:00.001-08:00

What? I can't? Read the small print? Dude! But I didn't know it was going to be like this...

I told my husband that one phrase sums up our evening with the kids...it is from the movie, Dodgeball..."If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a dodgeball." And we've been dodging wrenches all night...

I know...you're thinking I'm a whiner...complain, complain, complain is all I ever do...but dude...this is my blog...it's my only place to vent!

Necessary background info: Pediatric Bipolar Disorder has only been recognized as being valid and therefore truly studied for the past 10-15 years. And really, no drug other than Lithium has been seriously followed/researched/documented in children. The down side to Lithium-it has to be monitored closely so that it doesn't reach toxic levels, which in turn means several blood draws for the patient. Knowing this information, it naturally follows that 1) the school system hasn't knowingly dealt with a lot of bipolar students and therefore hasn't learned quite how to help these students like they could/should 2) Any medication prescribed for Pediatric Bipolar--other than Lithium--is considered experimental which means you are trudging through unknown territory.

Fast forward to present day/my life: Last week I met with my younger daughter's teachers in an attempt to get her more of the help that she needs. While the teachers seemed fairly receptive, they are unskilled in dealing with psychiatric illness and therefore make her feel singled out and condescended to with their attempts to help her. "Little" things like saying "Your mom said your bipolar makes you forgetful" instantly piss her off. I don't blame her. She feels as if anyone--regardless of medical condition--would feel the same way she does in her circumstances, so when they add "your bipolar disorder causes this" she feels as if she is different from everyone else. Well, in a way she is and in a way she isn't. Not everyone has a mood disorder, but I also can't think of anyone who likes to be told "You're doing this because of your (insert medical condition here)." To make a long story short--she hates the changes they have implemented and she ranted/cried/incessantly harped about it from the time I got home from work until the time she went to bed...seriously...that's over 4 hours. I tried my best to change topics, address her concerns, stop the freight train...but she wasn't having any of it. I ended up having to give her an extra dose of meds (written in her prescription/OK'd by doctor) because she was so agitated. Everything set her off--a sigh, a questionable tone of voice, a delayed response--it all pissed her off tonight.

My oldest daughter came home from her school musical practice and was severely ticked because...well normal angst-ridden teen feelings of inadequacy. She actually tried to tell me at 8pm that she was taking a shower and THEN was going to start her 5 paragraph essay that is due tomorrow...WHAT? No, no ,no...homework first, then shower if there's time. Oh boy! That set her off into a drama queen tirade full of tears and attitude...to which Mom responded "Tough crap. Write your essay."

Throw in a husband who had class tonight (evening classes to finish up his degree) and then came home and took a nap...and 2 puppies that wanted to eat my couch...Am I overreacting or do I have some right to be frazzled?

This of course then leads in to my own personal dilemma...when I have Mood Disorder Central for a home where crises always abound and a full-time job outside of the home--how do you add things like global warming, peak oil, presidential elections and eating locally to the mix? Right now, I just want to rip open a plastic-wrapper encased non-sustainable Snickers bar and chow down! I want to get in my pollution-causing car and drive far, far away... I want to accept the plastic bag from the store in case I decide to stick it over my head! I don't want to research which candidate to vote for because none of them are in my home tonight dealing with my life...

So what do I do instead? I hang on with my last, very frazzled nerve until the kids are in bed. I put the dogs in their kennel. I leave my Guitar Hero husband in the living room to rock like nobody has ever rocked before...I sit down at the computer and I vent to the blogosphere...in a few minutes I'll go to sleep and when I wake up, tonight will have turned into a distant memory. I won't have contributed positively to the world like Crunchy's reusable pad drive...I won't have figured out who to vote for...I won't have made any further steps in the eco-friendly department. On the flip side--No one died/my family is safe. I have food in the cupboard, shelter, and even if I don't always feel it--love.

No, I'm not going to resign...even if my contract would let me... There is an old Japanese proverb that says: Fall seven times. Stand up eight.
It is my mantra. Of course, I will keep on moving forward. Of course, things will look better in the morning. Of course, things will be just ducky again.

Wow! That was cathartic...we should do this again sometime...you are such a great listener!

Hemorrhaging money...

2008-02-16T16:09:00.000-08:00

Also known as "how the marketing bastards of the world are sucking the life out of us"...Catchy title, huh? Oh, how my sarcastic wit attempts to rear its ugly head again...

Well tonight is yet another formal dance at my daughter's high school. When I was in high school (and walked uphill both ways), we had one formal dance every year--prom. Fast forward 17 years and now they have 3--yes, 3--FORMAL dances. This means fancy schmancy dresses, glittery makeup, high heels...the works. The whole idea makes me ill. Whose idea was this? And how in less than 2 decades did we as a society go from spending a little too much money in high school to spending a ridiculously large amount of money in high school? And you KNOW there are a group of parents who shell out the money for a new dress each and every time. This would not be me. I told my daughter flat out that I would not be buying her 3 new satin and sequin dresses every year--times 4 years. My rule is that I will buy one dress per year and one pair of dressy shoes if necessary--but I will not spend over $100 total. Anything more than that and she will have to cover it with her own money. We got super duper lucky when shopping for Homecoming. We found a beautiful yet modest dress that is very versatile and can be worn for various events for only $40. It happens to be the dress that she is wearing tonight as well. I did her hair and make-up myself--there is no way I'm paying for that like some parents do. I'm grateful that she was happy despite my "dress purchasing" rule... I told her that she and her friends should swap dresses with some of the older high schoolers or check second hand stores if they don't want to wear the same dress twice. But tonight she was happy with the dress she wore to homecoming, and that makes me feel very relieved. Hopefully no one will tease her about wearing the same dress twice. High schoolers, debutantes and celebrities are the only people who do that. If I was at an event and saw that someone was wearing the same dress that they had worn to a previous event (and I'd surely be wearing something they'd seen before too), I really wouldn't care...if anything, I'd be glad that they didn't feel the need to drop more cash on something so trivial.

And that's just the tip of the iceberg in terms of money...yearbooks are approximately $65, school musical costume fees are $20, gym uniforms are $20, tickets to school functions $5 (each time you go)---and don't let me forget the younger daughter...$40 for the Girl Scout sleep over at the zoo, $20 for the gym uniform, $15 for the Girl Scout lock-in, $7 for the class lunch at the mall food court and $20 for the class ski trip which they happen to do during school hours so that if you choose not to spend the money and send your kid on the trip--you become labeled the bad parent and your kid has to sit in a room at school and watch Disney movies all that day.

Oh! Don't let me forget--school pictures twice a year! When did they start doing pictures twice a year? Shouldn't that be the parents' choice to get their children's picture taken a second time? Don't let me forget to mention that both my daughters are required to purchase and wear school IDs for $5 every year. And they go to public school! We are not talking about private school here...this is strictly public school...

On top of all of the school costs, we have very high medical expenses for both daughters. Please don't think that I'm one of those pill-pushing mothers. I'm not. But my children both have documented psychiatric illnesses that require medication. No, there is no magic, secret, long-forgotten herbal cure. No, it cannot be remedied by ingesting exotic fruits, eliminating white flour and sugar, acupuncture, enemas or aromatherapy. My mother still tries to come up with miracle cures for them. Last time it was rubbing cedar oil on the bottoms of their feet. WTF??? Luckily, I have great insurance which helps enormously. I cannot imagine what would have happened to my children had we not had insurance. Thousands of people live that reality every day and it's sad/scary. However, even with great insurance their medication still costs us approximately $225 per month out of pocket. So you know those drug companies are making money hand over fist, which I find deplorable.

When did having children shift from "necessary to survival (I'm thinking pioneer days here)" to "so expensive you may very well not make it without being severely in debt or be accused of short-changing them"? Did I sleep through that change? I've heard news stories that say this generation of kids will be the first that have a worse life financially than their parents. I hate to say it, but I believe it. If you go in debt trying to give your kids the kind of life you think they deserve--all the while keeping up with the Joneses kids--how could they not go further in debt trying to maintain the life you've set them up for? Stop the madness folks. Just stop it. Get off the merry-go-round. Say "no". It sucks. I hate saying "no" when my kids want to do stuff. But, I can't feed them the lie that keeping up with other peoples' consumerism brings happiness or is ethical. We are staring peak oil and global warming in the face and 3 new sequined dresses per year is just plain wrong. And to quote my beloved Dave Matthews "It's not where but who you're with that really matters." Money does enable people to do some wonderful things. I'd be lying if I were to say otherwise. A new Jaguar, 8 bedroom house, Chanel handbag, diamond necklace, trip to Barbados--yeah, they'd bring some temporary joy...absolutely. However, at the end of the day I need someone intelligent to sit around and laugh with. I need to be around people who won't disown me if I gain 30 lbs. I need people who won't leave me if I get Alzheimers or Parkinson's Disease. And I need to be around people that I love so much that I'll do the same for them. You cannot buy that. You just can't.

And as a parent one of the hardest things I've ever done is try to teach that concept to my children. How do you teach a kid who is being mercilessly teased that one pair of sneakers really is enough? You can't take away their emotional pain. You can't beat the shit out of the little mongrels who are teasing them. I've tried explaining ad nauseum that "wardrobe scorekeeping" is, for the most part, limited to junior high/high school. I've tried to console them by letting them know that after high school--you have a much easier time getting away from the idiots. And at some point you really do realize that life is more important than glittery dresses, Dooney and Burke bags, Jimmy Choo heels and Hard Candy make-up. At some point you muster up the confidence to tell the "wardrobe scorekeepers" that what they are doing is shallow and juvenile. But what does a parent do until that time comes? What does a kid do until that moment arrives? I honestly don't know...I guess you just keep telling them the truth. You do your best to keep hope alive for them.

I received a sign a couple of days ago that made me think I might actually be "winning the war" against the materialistic bastards vying for my child's soul. I got a "Happy-O-Gram" in the mail from my daughter. She sent me a note on her school's stationary with that title. On it, she wrote:

Thanks for helping me be a more positive person. --Love you

From the looks of it, it is something they are doing for an advisory project. But out of all the people she could have written and all the things she could have said--she sent it to me and she wrote about an intangible thing, a trait that she believes I have helped her with. And let me tell you...even if you feel like you are hemorrhaging money...a note like that sure does make you feel just ducky...

Craptacular distractions...

2008-02-12T09:28:00.000-08:00

Or should I call this distractions from the craptacular?...basically it all boils down to--I had a super craptacular (that means spectacularly crappy in duck-speak) day yesterday and I need to think about something else for awhile. I found out my youngest daughter has fairly frequently gotten shoved in the snow by some bullies (to the extent that they ripped her winter coat) on her way home from school this winter but didn't want to tell me because she didn't want me to start talking to the little bastards' parents, school officials, etc. for fear that the teasing would become more covert and intensify. My older daughter came home and found her crying, asked what happened and then secretly called me at work to fill me in. Since it didn't happen on school property, they don't have jurisdiction. Both my husband and I work until approximately an hour after the girls get home from school, however they are a few weeks away from being 12 and 15...so they can handle an hour alone...however it also means we aren't around when they are walking home from the bus stop. Thus leaving me with the issue--how do I insure my daughter's safety?

Anyways...that was just the "quick overview" it was far more complicated hence the title: Craptacular! So, let's talk about something else to take my mind off of this for awhile...Wow! Your hair looks great! Have you lost weight? You look fabulous...no really, you do...Read any good books or fun blog posts lately?

OK, well I could go on with that for far longer than a sane person should...quickly changing topics...have you heard about the Little Brown Dress project? It is a few years old, so you very well might have--but I love the whole idea of it. It was created/carried out by a woman in Seattle who wanted to make a statement against consumerism and the whole idea that women need to dress to impress 24/7 or they are worthless. So, she made a little brown dress that she wore 365 days as part statement and part performance piece. She did use other clothes she already owned to layer over/under the dress in winter, but other than that--no new clothes for a whole year! She washed the dress overnight every couple of days...thus negating any odor issues. Following that year, she started a follow-up project where she only wore 100% recycled clothes for a whole year. That means she only wore stuff she previously owned or stuff bought second-hand and altered by her own two hands and a sewing machine. To read more about both projects, click here: http://www.littlebrowndress.com/

I gotta say it again...I love that she did this project. I think it is completely bogus to have a bazillion outfits--most of which are rarely worn. I don't think a person should have so many shoes that they've lost count. Along with this, I will confess that I do have a purse/bag fetish which I have been actively trying to control...I brought about 15 different purses to work a few months ago and gave them away to my co-workers who snapped them up within 10 minutes of my sending out an e-mail--literally. I still have a shameful amount left in my closet, but they are like my babies! Would you give your baby away?...I think not... Oh, fine! They are purses and not human beings...I'll go through them and weed some more out, OK? Can I continue with my blog post now, please?

Anyways, my main point was how I totally respect the idea of functionality and frugality when it comes to clothing. For work, I have two pairs of black pants that I rotate. I have 5 different colors of shirts. I wear the same black shoes everyday to work. I have 2 coats---one black trench for spring/fall and one black heavy winter coat. It's pretty darn easy for me to get dressed for work because I've removed all of the "thinking" from it... So, if we wanted to take this idea one step further and apply it to other areas of our lives...do you really need 52 plastic food storage containers in your cupboard? Or 20 reusable water bottles? Or 73 pens/pencils? Do you NEED to keep every book you've ever read?...Ouch, that one hurt, didn't it? But seriously, I have quite a few books myself, therefore I know how precious they can be to one's heart...however, it is time to let some of them go--not all--not even most--just a few...start with 3. Put 3 books on Freecycle. Then wait a couple of weeks and if you haven't hyperventilated to death, put 3 more books on Freecycle. I actually did that last summer, but I did it at a garage sale and in much greater quantity. I ended up parting with over 100 books (I'm not exaggerating.) Out of all of those books, there was only 1 that I eventually missed. So, only 1 out of 100 or so books was really that necessary to my happiness/existence. It was a huge leap for me. I had to seriously throw caution to the wind to let them go. Truth be told, my husband and mother-in-law ran the garage sale while I was at work because I couldn't hang out all day staring at my beloved books leaving me...but I let them go and I feel better about myself and my house.

I've still got a long ways to go. I still have way too much stuff packed into my tiny house. But, when I think about things like the Little Brown Dress project and about how well the book purge went last summer...I know I can do it. Now...let's tackle those purses again...

Reflections on the past (aka Archive meme)

2008-02-10T09:33:00.000-08:00

A fellow blogger was kind enough to tag me with an Archive meme. So, I started reviewing my past posts. The whole "go green/eco-friendly" thing didn't come into play for me until last March/April. Before that I was just posting about my life. And you know what I decided after I read all of my historical blog posts? While I am secretly jealous of people like Crunchy Chicken, Causabon's Book, Little Blog in the Big Woods and Beth at Fake Plastic Fish...who get loads of readers and inspire people all around the globe on a daily basis, I can't do a blog like those. I have wanted to be like them very badly. All of them are awesome and I have NOTHING bad to say about them. But I can't do what they do. If it was my job and I got paid for it--I could do it. But with the little time I have left at the end of the day...not to mention the lack of energy...I just want a place where I can let my mind spew out what is troubling or entertaining it at present (sorry for the graphic description, ick!). Those blogs are their fun, passion and mental release...and that's cool. It is too structured and obligatory for my life though. If I get a wild hair up my butt and want to go off about the bizarro lady I work with who has ZERO sense of humor, is a complete uptight priss, is the abolute biggest computer/programmer nerd in the world but who treats her cats better than other human beings and collects unicorn paraphenalia---then that is exactly what I want to be able to do (true story/real lady). The next day I might feel like talking about a movie I love, my puppies, my family's psychiatric illnesses, how the Dave Matthews Band is so friggin' awesome, or how organic soy sauce is so much better than Kikkoman soy sauce--it is almost criminal.

So, I love all my postings because they all make up the ridiculous patchwork quilt of my life. If you have a spare half hour and feel like it, go back to the beginning and read them all (there isn't that many of them). By doing so you'll get a pretty good feeling of who I am, my sense of humor and what my life is like. Therefore, I'm now going to stop wishing I could be a really cool eco-blogger and I'm going to just keep doing what I'm doing.

I can't really fulfill the Archive meme rules, because they all blend together throughout most of my posts. Family, friends, self, things I care about...they meld together in my life and in this blog...that is what makes it "just ducky". My heartfelt apologies for failing the meme challenge!
But I also extend my sincerest thanks for causing me to step back and realize that I'm OK with myself and my blog. I don't have to become a beloved eco-blogger (even though it would be neat)...Just Ducky is enough.

**If you don't want to read all my posts, this one pretty much sums up how my mind/personality works: http://alrightokuhhuhamen.blogspot.com/2007/03/smorgasbord-can-you-believe-thats-how.html

Meme...and other things Beaker and the Road Runner used to say...

2008-02-09T16:05:00.000-08:00

Heavens to Murgatroyd! What in the devil is going on here? I'm getting tagged left and right! I can't help but get the feeling that memes are kind of the chain letters of the blogosphere...without the whole "if you don't do___ within 3 days your beloved will die and your house will forever smell like moldy cheese" thing tagged on at the end. Good thing too, because I'm allergic to mold and my husband and I have already decided that having 2 teenagers with mood disorders and 2 puppies is way more hell-like than death...which we often joke would be the "easy way out" and far more peaceful...And he's not leaving me alone with the kids at this point! No easy way out, Man! Don't even think it!

And doesn't the word 'meme' make you think of Beaker from the Muppet Show? He was so cool...his facial expressions were priceless. It also sounds a little like the Road Runner, but his sound is more of a "meep, meep"...which is different, but still funny.

Anyways--on to Burbanmom's (http://burbanmom.blogspot.com/) meme rules:
(1) Link to the person that tagged you.
(2) Post the rules on your blog.
(3) Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.
(4) Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.
(5) Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.

See how I snuck that link in there, Burbanmom?...I'm quick like that...Fast as lightnin'!

And now to the ultra-cool random things about myself...

I love the television show Psych. I haven't missed an episode yet. It is a comedy about a psychic detective--who isn't really psychic, but totally faking it. The characters are spot-on. And whoever writes that friggin' show has my sense of humor...completely and utterly my twin in a parallel universe...I'm convinced it is written by someone(s) that was born in the mid-70s and grew up in the 80s. I catch EVERY funny reference they throw in and laugh my butt off.
My dream job would either be the Quality Control person at the Crayola crayon factory or a Dog Hugger. I don't want to mess around with the paint or the markers at Crayola...just the crayons...I want to draw with crayons all day to test their quality AND I want to name the new colors. Oh! And I want to decide what colors get retired. As far as Dog Hugger goes...I want to play with cute dogs and hug them...I would even feed them, but I want someone else to clean up after them and take them to the vet.
My blog name is Just Ducky, but I HATE feathers. They totally and completely freak me out. I like rubber ducks...they are cute and have NO feathers... It's really sad, if I'm sitting eating a meal and I see feathers--I get a dry heave/gag reflex thing. I don't know why...I'm a freak...It's OK...I accept it.
I love the art created by the artist Shag. His real name is Josh Agle. His work has such a '60s vibe to it. It's weird at first to see all of the ladies in his artwork have pointy boobs, but his use of color and happy, party themes is cool....http://www.shag.com/
I read the comics online almost everyday. I definitely have my favorites...Pearls Before Swine, Get Fuzzy, Brevity, Off the Mark, F Minus, Reality Check...I read them over at www.comics.com. The cool thing is that they have the comics accessible from everyday of the previous month, so even if you miss a week or so of reading them--you never have to miss out.
I grew so tall so quickly--when I was in the 5th grade it actually broke my left leg. I grew 8 inches in 3 months. I had to have a cast on it for 8 weeks. I was 6 ft. tall (which is my current height) by the time I was 13.

I don't even know if I can come up with 6 people's blogs to tag...http://www.kbattles.blogspot.com/ -my sister-in-law, and the first 5 people to read this blog post (unless you've already been tagged)! Is that a cop out? Maybe a little...wait a minute...I don't even have 5 regular readers...oh good grief...how depressing/embarassing...I'm going to go schedule an appointment with a therapist now...(and Leslie, I haven't forgotten about your meme tag...)

**Origin of the phrase "Heavens to Murgatroyd"...I didn't make it up people...I'm a pop culture sponge!....http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/heavens-to-murgatroyd.html

Wa wawa wa waaaaaa

2008-02-06T22:36:00.000-08:00

Ok, so that was supposed to sound like all of the adults in the Charlie Brown television specials...anyone else remember that besides me? Anyways...I sure hope I'm not bitching and griping too much on this blog...and if I am--why stop now when I'm on a roll?!?!?! Today's major gripe is: IRRESPONSIBLE PET OWNERS.

I read my employer's online classified ads (just the pet section) everyday. And it never ceases to amaze me how people can get a pet on a whim and then turn right around when they find the whole thing "too time consuming" and give the pet away...These are the kind of people I like to refer to as heartless, thoughtless bastards. I believe there are some ground rules that all individuals/families should follow when deciding if they should get a pet or not:

Do you have enough time to exercise the pet when needed?
Do you have enough money to cover food, toys, replacement of wrecked things the pet will inevitably destroy, vet expenses, city licenses (where applicable), a fenced in yard and boarding fees if necessary?
Are you willing to to spend the time/money to keep the pet up-to-date with any necessary shots and spay or neuter the animal when it is not intended to be bred?
Are you willing to keep the pet until it dies?...that means FOREVER...

Pets are NOT disposable. Now I understand that sometimes life circumstances beyond our control blindside us and occasionally render it impossible for the person to keep a pet (like an elderly person who needs to move into a rest home). This is fine. I have no problem with that. What I do have a problem with are the people who say that they "just don't have enough time to give the pet the attention they deserve"...WTF? Did you not have an inkling that you might be too friggin' busy BEFORE you got the pet? Another one of my "favorite" excuses is the cliche and ridiculous "unwanted gift"...like someone gave them a dog/cat/whatever that they didn't ask for or want and now they are trying to get rid of it. Who in the hell (besides a spouse/parent..and even then only after much discussion and consideration) gives someone a pet as a gift? Does it not occur to them that if the person really thought they wanted and could handle a pet they would get one for themselves?

Oh! And I just read a really good excuse last week..."we want to travel so we need to find a new home for our 11 week old puppy"...What? Excuse me...did you say that you wanted to travel? And it didn't occur to you PRIOR to getting the puppy that this might be some kind of hindrance? Reputable breeders don't even let you take a puppy home until it is between 8-9 weeks of age...people who aren't actual breeders will let the puppies go to new homes between 6 and 7 weeks of age typically. So if the puppy in that ad was only 11 weeks old then those people had the puppy for a pathetic 5 weeks maximum before they decided they just couldn't deal with the responsibility...

Another thing to consider is whether a particular pet or breed of pet will fit well into your family. After seeing Snow Dogs for the 25th time, my family thought it would be fun to get a Siberian Husky. When we read about huskies we found out that they are very high energy dogs that require frequent and consistent exercise. There is no way that we could agree to providing the dog with that much exercise so we decided against that breed. For other people it might be an awesome fit...like those Iditarod people or something...

In the end, my family talked about getting a dog for 3 years before we actually got one. We got a "free" oops dog (unplanned doggie pregnancy) that is half Golden Retriever and half Bernese Mountain Dog. He is beautiful...has a good temperament around children and can very much handle the cold weather we get where I live. He is a member of our family and my daughters refer to him as their little brother. The minute he started humping everything in sight, we got him neutered. We have a fenced in yard and he is up-to-date on all his shots.

When people talk about "going green" and being "eco-friendly" and all that jazz, we need to remember that being environmentally responsible extends to our pets as well. If we do not practice responsible spay/neutering (when the animal is not intended for breeding or showing), then we are participating in overpopulating the earth with animals. This then adds to a downward spiral of disease, etc. Being "the cat lady" with 97 cats in your mobile home is not exercising your freedom of choice, it is unsanitary and kind of a "tip-off" to underlying psychiatric issues...(I can say this because my family is full of psychiatric issues).

Another thing...I absolutely understand the draw of a purebred animal, but for those of you who are a little more open to the idea...some of the best animals you'll ever find are mixed breeds. Overall, their health tends to be much better than that of pure breeds. Our shelters are busting at the seems with mixed breeds. However, if you feel very strongly about a particular breed and want a purebred animal, what about the different breed pet rescues around the country? They have Golden Retriever, Cocker Spaniel, Siberian Husky, you-name-the-breed and they probably have a pet rescue shelter set up for it. You don't have to shell out $1000 for a dog...you can adopt one for less than 1/4 of that or even better...get one "free" from a local family, farmer, neighbor, etc.

Well, I've babbled on long enough...so long in fact that my words have turned into the whole Charlie Brown "wa wawa wa waaaa" thing...I promise that I won't bitch at all in my next post! No really, I mean it! I can stop bitching any time I want to. Yes, I can. Hey, shut up--you're not the boss of me!

Better go now...I'm starting to enjoy bantering with myself WAY too much...and just an FYI...this ducky is a spayed ducky! (Too gross? Too much information? Too bad!) ;)

**For the benefit of my husband who will have thought this phrase at least 3 times during the reading of this post: There is no such thing as a free dog/pet.

Really Big Wimp...

2008-02-05T06:52:00.000-08:00

Some very conscientious and intelligent bloggers have been helping recently to spread the word about a news story that aired not too long ago regarding animal cruelty at a stockyard/slaughterhouse. I can't watch it. I just can't. I'm sorry, but I cannot watch it. I'm not a vegan. I grew up in a house full of deer hunters and I'm not opposed to responsible hunting (I never did watch the butchering though). As a matter of fact, to this very day if I visit my father's house during November (deer hunting season in our state) I can't look at the far right corner in his garage...I know that is where he hangs the deer...like a small child I hold up my hand to the right side of my face to shield my eyes and run through the garage while I say to myself "Look to the left, look to the left...".

But I cannot watch animal cruelty. I cannot watch animals, kids, women or disabled persons being abused. Really I guess it boils down to--I can't watch anyone being abused. It's a rule of mine...the few times I've seen videos that have even hinted at such things, I become a blubbering mess and it takes me DAYS and sometimes WEEKS to recover. I don't know if that makes me the biggest wimp in the whole world or not, and I guess in the end I don't care if it does. At least I'm not apathetic. Remember that clip in The Shawshank Redemption where Tim Robbins character gets jumped and they make it pretty apparent that he is raped a few times? Absolutely devastated me... It makes me uncomfortable to even type the words. It is a great movie, but whenever I watch it I have to fast forward through those parts. However, I digress...this was about animal cruelty at the stockyards/slaughterhouses and I've gotten off point...

Now please don't think that I'm one of those people that thinks it is best "not to speak of such things" or to "sweep it under the rug". I'm not. I'm the farthest thing from it. I think you should shout it from the rooftops and make people hear you. Abuse to any animal or any person is not acceptable--period. I would put up the fight of my life to save another from abuse...and that is the absolute truth. But I can't watch it. I won't watch it.

I'll just say this: If you eat meat, do you know where it comes from? Do you know how it gets there? Are you purchasing it from responsible stores, butchers, farmers? Do you know how it has been handled? With all of the meat re-calls lately, I'm hoping that these questions have crossed your mind. If not, why not take a minute now to think about it and research it? I won't be posting a link on this one (for fear I'll accidently click on it)...but if you use your favorite search engine it won't take you long to find out what's going on. We've got to stay informed. It is the only way...

Maybe my life isn't so bad after all...

2008-01-30T19:23:00.000-08:00

I thought I had a bad day at work. I made an error in the computer system. It wasn't life threatening. No one will die/get hurt/be misdiagnosed. It was entirely fixable, caught quickly and in the grand scheme of things not a big deal. But it hit me hard...I'm human. I make mistakes and I HATE mistakes. There are a million bazillion proverbs and platitudes about mistakes being learning experiences, etc...but that doesn't change the fact that my subconcious goal is to be just like Mary Poppins--practically perfect in every way. I fixed my error, took responsibility and apologized for it because that is what adults do (even though none of these things was asked for/required). I was depressed about my mistake. I pouted and sulked once I got home. So what happened to change my bad day into "I thought I had a bad day"? I read this:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080130/ap_on_re_la_am_ca/haiti_eating_dirt&printer=1;_ylt=Ailot6yH89g_34WbBqhIkp69IxIF

Some people are so poor that they have to eat dirt cakes. I am not one of those people. Did I really have a bad day?...No. The person eating dirt cakes for the third day in a row is the one having a hard time--not me. My life might be far better than I thought...and my heart hurts that anyone has to eat dirt...

This post is also a very good time to mention a book I am currently reading called Hungry Planet: What the World Eats by Peter Menzel. It is life altering. I first read about the book in a tiny mention on Causabon's Book blog. The author of the blog, Sharon recommended it. It immediately sounded intriguing to me. The book contains true stories/pictures of 30 families from 24 countries around the world. Each family had their picture taken in a room of their home surrounded by all the food they ate for an entire week. Stop and think about that for a moment. To me, it is mindblowing. All the soda consumed...all the burgers...all the cigarettes smoked...all of the food NOT eaten because they didn't have any more...all of the good, bad, and ugly on display for the world to read. The total amount of money each family spent on food for one week (in both the local currency and American dollars) is listed for each family. There are stories about each family. You don't just see a snippet of their lives you get to hear their words as well. The book does not pass judgment. The book does not lead you down any pathway of thinking. It merely lays out the information in front of you for you to explore the cultural differences on your own. My words cannot do it justice. You simply need to page through it yourself to comprehend the depth of it all...This book is absolutely, unquestionably just ducky.

Pet peeves and long sleeves...

2008-01-29T12:23:00.000-08:00

Yes, I realize--I'm ridiculous (and the title of the post majorly sucks).

Anyways, first off--Long sleeves:
We have a blizzard warning here today. All of the schools are closed. Daycares, churches, gyms, senior center, colleges, community schtuff--all closed. My work--OPEN! Actually, people die if we close, therefore...we don't close. However, a bunch of my co-workers live out in the country so they had to head home (or they would never make it home thus leaving their children alone all night) and we are down to a skeleton crew now. Since I live in town...I feel an obligation to stay and cover so that others may leave. As long as the city bus is still running--I have virtually no excuse.

Now on to pet peeves:
When you have a clearly marked recycling bin (circular with a funnel kind of top) RIGHT NEXT TO a garbage bin (square with no lid)--why in the heck should bottles and cans ever go in the garbage? It has become a huge pet peeve of mine. We have these all over the place at work. It is obvious what gets recycled and where...so why can't people get their cans/bottles in the recycling bin? Why do I need to go pick them out of the garbage?...well that answer is easy...if I don't they stay in the trash and get thrown away...How much easier can recycling be? You don't have to walk any further to recycle, the bins aren't identical...what gives? Hello people?!?!? Hit the damn recycling bin!

Coffee talk (Should be said in the same voice as Mike Meyers character on SNL):
http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/01/29/fema.trailers.ap/index.html?iref=newssearch
FEMA sugarcoated the dangers of the Katrina trailers...for a couple years now people stuck in these trailers have been stricken with tons of health issues due to FORMALDEHYDE in the trailer materials and FEMA allegedly knew about it and attempted to cover it up. Shocked/Surprised?...No.... Sad?...Yes... People have been stuck in those trailers for 2 1/2 years. The situation was mucked up from the beginning. Being packed in stadiums...misuse of funds...lack of/severely delayed help...
Discuss

That's all for now folks...I'm off to get some more hot cocoa...I'm one frozen ducky!

No more plastic bags!

2008-01-28T07:47:00.000-08:00

In case you don't live near a Whole Foods store (I don't...the nearest one is 90 minutes away by car) or you haven't yet heard--Whole Foods will no longer offer plastic bags! Oh yes, it's true. Check out their website for yourself: http://www.wholefoodsmarket.com/byobag/faq.html
I'm very excited about this. I saw a representative from Whole Foods speaking on the news yesterday and I felt as if I was hearing an angel sing!...cough, cough...sorry about that...I get a little "rainbows and unicorns" at times...I'll re-join reality now...Anyways, I did here a rep speaking on the news and was very excited. He said everything that I would have wanted him to say and sounded really intelligent. I thought--what a great spokesperson! He is an asset to the cause.

Also, this weekend I read that Bill Gates (or rather his foundation) will be donating a bazillion dollars...OK, really it is $306 million which is essentially a bazillion to me... to help promote local farm practices in poverty stricken countries. The link is here if you want to check it out for yourself: http://edition.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/europe/01/25/davos.main/index.html
I hate being overly optimistic about news like this as I feel that all too often the money ends up getting mis-spent, doesn't get to the people it should, bad things screw it all up...but if it goes down as it is supposed to---it could be awesome. My hope is that poverty stricken people are enabled to successfully grow food to feed their families. I don't want them to grow corn for the biofuel industry... My hope is that they can thrive and help others. I guess we'll just have to wait and see how it all unfolds...

**My apologies if my adding links all the time annoys anyone, but I am a "I want proof!" type of person...I don't want to just read some bloggers re-telling of news...I want to check it out myself. Knowing how twisted the internet can get...I hope you'd want proof as well...it's my way of keeping everything just ducky.

Random thoughts...

2008-01-26T22:00:00.000-08:00

My husband made an incredible (and if I do say so myself--gourmet) soup on Friday evening. He stumbled upon a bag of locally grown root vegetables (carrots, turnips, parsnips, etc.) at our co-op. He made his own chicken stock--from scratch. He pureed the soup and topped it off with a roasted yellow pepper reduction. Then he made some homemade bread to accompany it. The meal was absolute heaven.

If you haven't heard of Etsy yet, then I strongly encourage you to check it out: http://www.etsy.com/
It sells exclusively homemade things like scarves, purses, dolls, cloth gift bags, greeting cards, beads and more! Most of the "shopkeepers" will do custom orders on request...which is my favorite part. I had some super cute fabric lying around that I wanted a purse made out of, so I contacted one of the shopkeepers, sent the fabric to her and in lightning-fast speed she had the exact purse I wanted made and shipped to me! I've also been working with one of the other shopkeepers on some reusable cloth gift bags. I'm having her make the exact sizes that I want in fabric that I am selecting myself. I can't begin to rave about it enough...it's awesome. You've probably known about Etsy for years...I seem to be the last one to find out about these things, but someone has to bring up the rear...might as well be me, I guess...

There is a new show on the Food Network called Jamie At Home. It features the British cook Jamie Oliver whose specialty is cooking with organic ingredients. It is set at his farm in the British countryside and often features him picking the vegetables out of his own garden prior to cooking them. It has a very natural, non-Hollywood feel to it...both my husband and I immediately liked the show. An added bonus is the theme song...My World by Tim Kay. It has a happy jazzy feel to it and has been played numerous times in my home since downloading it off of Amazon a week ago...

If you need quality inexpensive kitchenware/flatware etc., check out your local restaurant supply store. It is most likely open to the public and you can find durable products in the quantity you desire at a fraction of the cost. I wanted 4 iced tea spoons. I like the long handles and only wanted 4 of them...that's it...nothing else. Have you tried buying 4 iced tea spoons lately? They don't just have them sitting on the shelves at Target... My husband and I went to our local restaurant supply store after work on Thursday and found exactly what I was looking for--4 stainless steel iced tea spoons with NO packaging! AND the best part--they were only $0.75 a piece! I was very excited. Most supply stores sell things individually...so if you want an odd number of something like 3 glasses or 5 forks you can buy exactly the number you desire and nothing more.

Sam Elliott is hot...(just kidding my dear blog-reading husband)...(but not really...wink)...

Well, I better sign off now...I think that last statement probably got me in enough hot water...I'm pleading extreme exhaustion which has obviously rendered my judgment questionable...I'll get some sleep and that should make everything just ducky...

Want some tuna with your plastic?

2008-01-24T07:02:00.000-08:00

I work with computers/software in regards to laboratory testing for a major medical center. That means--we rely on plastic everyday to save people's lives which is a good thing. So it has been difficult for me to join the "plastic is evil" bandwagon. Plastic has achieved a lot of good. However, now I'm starting to see that it has done a lot of bad as well... I absolutely HATE when my mother's catch phrases prove true! In this case, I grew up hearing "Moderation in all things." You know what? It looks like she was right again...(damn!)

Over the last 40-50 years since plastic has been used for--pretty much everything--many people have taken it for granted. It doesn't cause harm. It's plastic! It's safe! Why do they use plastic for kids' toys? It's safe! ...or maybe not? My questions to the blogosphere are as follows--what if the dangers of plastic aren't immediate? What if the dangers of plastic can only be truly gauged over time? What if in small doses plastic is OK, but in large quantities the toxicity emerges? What if plastic is like arsenic--the poison builds up over time bringing gradual demise and not immediate, shocking, tragic problems?

Guess what? The more I research this topic...the more I'm beginning to think that we have made some very, very poor decisions as a society by over-using plastic. Check out this blog--especially the January 22nd entry:

http://orvalguita.blogspot.com/

Did you see all of the plastic on the beaches in the January 22 pictures? And plastic doesn't disintegrate or biodegrade folks! It photodegrades--it just turns into smaller pieces, but it never leaves the planet--ever! Charles Moore is a researcher who has spent the last 10 1/2 years of his life researching ocean debris. Analysis from his research vessel's September 2007 expedition shows a five fold increase in plastic quantities in the North Pacific Gyre since Moore began his research in 1997. And this is just ONE example of how plastic is not as wonderful as we all think it is...

I found more information on http://www.plasticsareforever.org/: Marine ecosystems are harmed by plastic debris. In the Central North Pacific, broken, degraded pieces of plastic outweigh surface zooplankton by 6 to 1. 90% of Laysan Albatross chick carcasses and regurgitated stomach contents contain plastics. Fish and other seabirds mistake plastics for food. Plastic debris release chemical additives and plasticizers into the ocean.

And that is just the ocean...next time you are the passenger in a car, turn off the radio and look out the window the whole drive...how much plastic do you see littering the roadside? I've done this numerous times now and am always amazed at the plastic bags, soda pop bottles and styrofoam containers. Or do an internet search on bisphenol-A and see how it is very possibly causing numerous health issues--but they have crept up so slowly that we are only now beginning to connect the dots. Did you know that Mountain Equipment Co-op, Canada's largest specialty outdoor-goods retailer, says it has pulled most food and beverage containers made of polycarbonate plastic from its shelves, citing concern over possible health risks? The plastic in question is made mostly from bisphenol A, which mimics estrogen and is derived from petrochemicals. For the full story click on this: http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20071207.wcoop07/BNStory/National/home

Anyways...I know that I've mentioned bits and pieces of all of this before in previous posts...I don't mean to be redundant, but it has been weighing on my mind more and more lately. I'm not jumping into the deep end screaming "Screw plastic! I shall never touch it again!" First of all, I could never keep such a declaration because plastic is insidious--it's everywhere. Several bloggers are trying to go plastic-free in their lives and can't completely get away from it. Secondly, I know that with healthcare in particular, plastic does have its place. The problem is we took a good idea and exploited the hell out of it. I'm no accountant. I'm not in marketing, but I'm betting that we as a society did exactly that because of the almighty dollar. I'm thinking our desire...our greed drove us to this exploitation. How much does any given product cost to make when using cheap plastic versus metal or glass? Begrudgingly I will admit--we should have practiced "Moderation in all things." This is one of those topics that is not just ducky...

I am a lip balm snob...

2008-01-22T08:53:00.000-08:00

Yes, it's true. I'm a tragic, opinionated lip balm snob. In the midst of this whole "greening my existence" process it has surfaced a lot. Those who have renounced plastic (I greatly respect you, but can't join you quite yet...) will scoff at this and whip out a homemade recipe and a nifty keepsake tin/jar...but as I stated before I have lip balm issues! To start with--I have to have my lip balm in a tube. I have tried the cute little pots of lip balm numerous times in the past and found that I abhor the feeling of the lip balm on my fingers. Even if I wipe it off...it bugs me. My second issue is the feel of the lip balm. It cannot be too waxy nor can it be too greasy/slippery/melty. My third issue is scent/flavor. I do not like mint, vanilla, chocolate, cinnamon, some fruit scents (fake watermelon scent makes me gag, strawberry makes me hungry) or honey. And sometimes the "unscented" is actually not unscented but smells like chemicals/sunscreens which is icky. Oh! I guess I have a fourth issue as well...medicated lip balms...I don't like my lips to feel "tingly"...so camphor and menthol are out. AND--I need to have SPF in my lip balm because skin cancer is yucky. Whoops, I almost forgot! I don't like to have dye in my lip balm either...although Bonne Bell Lip Smackers Dr. Pepper is sheer heaven to my sense of smell...I can't get past the dye and the thought of ingesting it...(shiver). OK, I think that covers my requirements...let's take a 5 minute break, stretch our legs and get a drink of water before we resume--Oh sorry! I prattled on so long I thought I was at a seminar or something...

So I'm probably sounding a bit high-maintenance right now...I'm not...really...don't judge me! :) Anyways...what does that leave me with? I had previously settled on Chapstick Moisturising (in the royal blue tube...which is very different than the other Chapsticks, believe me!). However, I don't like the idea that it is petroleum based. If the bizarre "fact" floating around the internet is true, that most women ingest around 7 tubes of lip balm/lipstick in their lifetime...that is pretty darn gross. You might as well just pop open a quart of oil right now and chug it! Eeeew...that gave me the shivers just typing it...but I digress. What options are left for a sustainably-minded lip balm freak like me? After MUCH searching and TONS of trial and error I have fallen head over heals for: Kiss My Face Sliced Peach flavor and Un-petroleum Cherry flavor...which shockingly enough actually smells like real cherries not fake cherries (the Tangerine flavor isn't bad either). Yes, it is true these are encased by plastic tubes...but I'm taking baby steps here, remember? I'll tackle the plastic battle another day(year)...

If you made it through this whole post you deserve a gold star, blue ribbon, treat, whatever...so I'm including a link to the Lip Balm Anonymous website. The site is meant to be farcical...just an FYI...I don't want anyone spilling their guts in an emotional confession only to be laughed at and scarred for eternity...

http://www.kevdo.com/lipbalm/

Bringing up the rear...

2008-01-20T16:27:00.000-08:00

Have no fear!...I'm not going to talk about how big my butt is...

I'm talking about feeling like the last float in the parade or the caboose of a train... I am the "learning challenged" of the green bloggers--and I'm not making fun of learning challenged individuals, my daughter is one and she is a wonderful kid. It seems as if I am a good 1-2+ YEARS behind everyone else. Now, I know what you're thinking--you shouldn't compare yourself to others, every little bit counts, at least you are trying to learn/change, forward motion--no matter how slow--is still good... However, as human beings we all go through times where we compare ourselves to others whether it be the thinner person standing next to you or the seemingly "perfect" family who's children are always on the honor roll...

And so I find myself comparing my meager offerings next to those of seasoned "professionals"...people who don't use toilet paper--but use cloth instead, people who only eat locally grown/produced foods, people who haven't used a paper tissue or a paper towel in a really long time, people who don't use air conditioning... Next to those individuals my CFLs, fabric gift bags and homemade laundry soap seem infantile. I may recycle with fervor...but the fact that I have a 4-5 soda per day habit is criminal in the "blogosphere of green"--I'm ashamed to even have admitted that.

I have virtually zero self-sustaining skills. I don't know how to garden...(my husband has been doing that)...I don't know how to knit, quilt, crochet, cross-stitch and my sewing skills are limited to straight lines only...My husband cooks like a madman and can build just about anything...I do the laundry with my homemade soap and hang about 1/2 of it to air dry and I think I'm pretty cool...;)

Oh my goodness--and I am queen of Nature Deficit Disorder! I'm allergic to all grass (literally--I'm not making it up)...I don't know an oak tree from a cedar tree...I don't have the first idea how to identify different species of birds, bugs or rocks. However, I like the feel of the sun on my face...so maybe all hope is not lost for me...

OK, I've laid out my ecological sins and deficiencies for the blog-o-world to see...I've whined...I've cringed...but if it's true that "a problem recognized is a problem half-solved"--then I'm half way there! Woohoo! I'm looking at asking for a sewing machine for my birthday and I'm reading up on gardening to be a seriously active participant this year. I'm going to stop comparing myself...although everyone else has already read The Omnivore's Dilemma except me---STOP. Let me start over...I'm going to stop comparing myself to others. I'm going to keep moving forward. And before you know it--everything will be just ducky.

One step forward, two steps back...

2008-01-18T21:38:00.000-08:00

This is the first winter that I've ever actually tried to conserve energy. I have made a very serious attempt to turn our heat down. We are all gone for a few hours everyday, so I have the thermostat set very low during that time. Then when we are home, it bumps up a few degrees so that our teeth don't chatter. When we go to bed, we turn it back down again. We also bought LED Christmas lights this year--yes, I know the best thing to do would have been to give up the Christmas lights completely...but if I don't do baby steps, my husband will freak out. Plus, I gotta tell you...I like Christmas lights... Anyways, on our last power bill we saw a very real and awesome change! We lowered our usage some 300+ kwh compared to last Dec/Jan. This was the concrete proof I needed to keep me going. And that is when the heater broke. Oh, not just once...like 4 times. It has become almost comical...fix the heater, wait a couple of days, heater breaks...fix heater, wait, break... The first time we had a repairman come out and the last 3 my husband did some research and fixed it himself. We have no other source of heat and this week/weekend it has been -10 degrees Fahrenheit...colder if you count the windchill. Don't you just love the irony of it all? The last 3 years when I've had that thing jacked up to 69-70 degrees everyday, all winter long--it hummed along with no problems...I start to care about my consumption and try to save energy and it craps out...repeatedly. Oh well, such is life...

My husband said something that I thought was tremendously funny and ultimately appropriate a few days ago. He said "In our life I think it is safest to assume that Karma has some new, fresh hell waiting on deck at all times..." I should issue the disclaimer: Neither of us are negative people nor was this meant to sound negative...we both share a kind of dark humor...taking whatever comes our way, laughing at ourselves and whatever "new, fresh hell" comes along...knowing that the laughter is the only thing that gets us through some days and makes others that much more enjoyable...

The story of stuff...

2008-01-17T11:53:00.000-08:00

If you haven't checked this out yet, I highly recommend you do:

http://www.storyofstuff.com/

It is a 20 minute video put together by a woman by the name of Annie Leonard about consumerism and how it is hurting our natural resources--and so much more. I can't do it justice. You just have to go watch it for yourself. It is jam-packed with facts and very well-written. She packs a lot into such a short video. After watching the video, if you click around the website--she provides the full script of the video complete with references so that you can see how she has proof to back up what she says. I think it is a brilliant video.

Is it hot in here or is it just me?...

2008-01-15T16:41:00.000-08:00

Well, if you didn't read today's copy of USA Today you might have missed:

http://www.usatoday.com/weather/climate/2008-01-15-global-temperatures_N.htm?loc=interstitialskip

2007 was the warmest year on record for Earth's land areas. And global warming isn't real, right? Think again, peeps.

Oh! And in the same issue I saw this:

http://www.usatoday.com/news/washington/2008-01-15-cloned-animals_N.htm?csp=34

Apparently the Food and Drug Administration has deemed CLONED ANIMALS safe for food! WTF?!?!?! That's just asking for trouble. Do we not have enough inexplicable medical conditions running rampant? Autism numbers are skyrocketing, so is childhood psychiatric illness--both of which are just the tip of the iceberg...so let's just throw some cloned animal meat/milk in the mix and see what else we can screw up! I'm still pissed about the FDA allowing dairy farmers to use growth hormones and that happened well over 10 years ago...
Stay alert folks...I may not be Just Ducky...I may be a clone of Just Ducky!

Undoing what is being done...

2008-01-12T15:15:00.000-08:00

Today my husband and I sat our extremely opinionated teenager down and "made" her watch An Inconvenient Truth. She has been coming home the past couple of weeks telling us stories about how her high school science teacher makes fun of global warming by using a cartoonish amount of paper towels to wipe off the dry erase board in his classroom and prints off reams of paper while making sarcastic comments. She thinks it is hysterically funny and is starting to adopt his ways of thinking...I cannot put up with this. No, no, no, no, no...

My husband and I had watched the movie the weekend before and were both really impacted by it. It puts a lot of facts out there to back up all the "hype". When my daughter (who has become increasingly politically aware this year--all on her own) started rolling her eyes and making annoying comments to us while we were checking out the environmental stances of the various political candidates, we decided enough was enough. We sat her down and put in the DVD. We watched half of it this afternoon and will watch the other half with her this evening. I don't know if it will "convert" her, but we told her that we want her to develop her own opinions and not adopt those of people she thinks are entertaining. She doesn't have to agree with all of our opinions, but she does need to be able to develop her own opinions based on factual evidence and well-rounded research--looking at all sides of an issue/topic and not just the most appealing ones.

One of my goals as a parent has always been to raise children that can think for themselves, who are not mindless sheep following the herd. Knowledge is power...as I learned from watching School House Rock many years ago--but it is true. Knowledge--comprehensive, well-rounded knowledge--is a far better weapon than any gun, bomb, military force or legislation. It is what breaks down racism, tolerance of abuse, prejudice of all kinds and apathy. It is the best gift we can give to our children...along with an inhabitable planet...

The need to be silent and still...

2008-01-07T09:10:00.000-08:00

Have you ever felt like things were falling apart around you so fast that you needed to be silent/still? I'm talking internally...spiritually...whatever...

This was a rough morning. Nothing catastrophic--bipolar child in the throws of mania, dog decides to poop on the carpet, again...teenage child and her friends think they know everything about politics and the economy...husband stressed out by job/life...

When I finally got to work (late), I sat down and almost started crying (or leaking as my husband calls it), but then I just thought "I need to be still. I need to be silent." What does that mean exactly? I don't know. I'm not talking about some oppressive "Shut up and hold it all inside" kind of thing. I'm talking about an internal kind of quiet. Purposefully taking time to make the carousel-on-acid that is my life stop for just a moment while I re-group. No TV, no music, no talking, certainly no dogs barking... Maybe that is meditation. Maybe it's "centering yourself"...I don't know...I just have this voice that keeps saying: Be still. Be silent.

Times Square Trash...

2008-01-01T17:05:00.000-08:00

My husband heard on the news today that 13 garbage trucks full (approximately 40 tons of trash) was left to be picked up in Times Square after the big "ball drop" on New Year's Eve. What??? Oh, but the ball had LED lights, so it all balances out (cough, wink)... Included in the trash was confetti, plastic hats, cups, water bottles and glasses that say 2008--all littered Times Square in one night. It took 109 people to clean it all up the next day. What in the heck is going on? Why, why, why? That's crazy. How necessary was all of that? I spent the night at home with my husband and we didn't even accumulate 1 full bag of trash...and we had a good time... Does it make any sense to change the ball to LED lights if you are still planning on dropping 1 ton of confetti/streamers? I don't want to sound like a witch...I'm glad they used LED lights and that little effort is better than nothing...but maybe next year they could work on cutting out the confetti/streamers entirely as well?

Oh well, I guess I'll go back into my glass house and stop throwing stones now...

Not a New Year's Resolution

2007-12-30T20:45:00.000-08:00

I don't do New Year's resolutions. I don't like the cliche promises or the obviously inevitable let-downs. I've just got lots of stuff on my mind lately and tons of questions and no outlet for it. So--I'll try blogging what's going on in that hollow space just above my neck...and we'll see what happens. If I only do this a few times, then so be it. If it takes off and I do it alot--then great. I really don't expect anyone to read it...you have to be committed and network and all that kind of "schtuff" to grow a readership. I don't have the time or the strength for that kind of dedication.

So it boils down to this--I'm wrestling internally right now and have been for almost a year. On top of my normal family chaos, I've started thinking of things outside of my self. I've started thinking about the world...the world I'm supposed to live in when I'm old...the world my children are supposed to live in when they're old...the world I hope hasn't gone to a pile of crap by the time I might have grandchildren growing old in the world. Have you ever paid attention to how much garbage you throw away each week? Seriously, have you ever sat and looked at it? Then have you ever tried to cut it down by 1/3 or 1/2? Sometime in late Spring 2007, we started recycling bottles and cans...it honestly cut our weekly trash in half! That made me feel like I could actually do something worthwhile for the world while at the same time made me feel horrible for all of the recyclable crap I've had buried in various landfills over the years...

And plastic bags--how many are in your house right now? Come on, actually look...don't just guess while you're sipping your coffee... I have approximately 30 in the plastic bag holder and another 30 holding various crap in 3 different closets. I have another 4 or 5 in my desk at work. Did you know that they don't biodegrade--they photodegrade? That means they break down into tiny pieces that never go away--ever. So my 65 bags, no matter if I reuse them or not, will eventually end up in a landfill and will never disappear but will more than likely end up in my drinking water as some cruel form of karma...Oh, but you recycle them, do you? Did you know that they don't recycle well? A lot of times, they are turned into useless plastic pellets that aren't able to be used for anything...kind of depressing, isn't it? But don't take my word for all of this--go find out for yourself. My suggestion is to start out at www.reusablebags.com and read the information on plastic bags there...then go to your favorite search engine and start reading articles from reputable websites. Have fun and take your Prozac, because it can be depressingly overwhelming at first...

On Christmas a few days ago, I looked at the mound of wrapping paper on the floor after the presents were opened and I actually sat there stunned and a bit nauseous. Bye-bye gigantic mound of paper! Have fun in the landfill! So, things will have to change a bit there...I'm thinking reusable fabric gift bags at least on birthdays and for my Christmas gifts from now on. It's hard to put the kid's Christmas gifts in bags as they will peek in them under the tree. Maybe I'll do half wrapped and half bagged next year and keep the bagged ones locked up until Christmas...it's hard to do the "no shopping Christmas" thing for kids who are teens and who have always had gifts...I don't know, but I've got a whole year to work that all out in my brain...

So, no New Year's resolutions...not for me anyways...do what you'd like for yourself. I'll try to be thoughtful, witty and semi-entertaining on this blog once again even if I'm only entertaining myself. I won't be doing any vigilant "one green change per day/week" kind of thing...it's all about the baby steps in my house...right now, I'm thinking I'm doing pretty darn good keeping the heat down between 64-66 degrees Fahrenheit at night... I won't be winning any Nobel prizes for my sacrifice, nor will I be inspirational to any of the "green bloggers" that I so often follow...but I'm at least doing something positive and I'll get there eventually--wherever "there" is...and hopefully when I get there things will be just ducky...

Ok, so maybe I did die...

2007-06-12T16:00:00.000-07:00

I tried and tried to log in to blogger for about 3 weeks, and couldn't get on...I don't know if it was my computer or what, but then I just kind of fizzled out for awhile...Alas, here I am again. I will attempt to resurrect the blog. I've been following a lot of blogs lately that all deal with "going green", reducing carbon emissions, reducing your "footprint" on the earth and just basically living simply. I'm really super tired with consumerism. I'm really exhausted by "retail therapy" and where in the hell does anyone put all of their crap? After so long---don't you run out of room? I just got a raise, and I still feel broke all of the time....I know---boo hoo, whine, sniffle...
So anyways, we've made some changes around my house. I started making my own eco-friendly, inexpensive laundry detergent. My husband made a composter. I took a vacation day from work and had my mother teach me how to use a sewing machine so that I could make cloth napkins. I stopped using disposable dishes/utensils/cups entirely--at work and at home. I don't buy bottled water anymore---I carry my own refillable water bottle. I try to always take cloth bags to the grocery store so I don't have to accept paper or plastic bags. We recycle far more now than we ever have---shampoo bottles, medicine bottles, etc. And we are trying to make it to the Farmer's Market every weekend so that we can purchase locally grown food---free from pesticides as well as supporting our local farmers. Oh, and we changed out all of our regular light bulbs with CFLs.
Don't get me wrong....I'm no tree hugger....I just know there has got to be a better way than the ridiculous path we're on right now. Gas is often over $3 a gallon, men/women are losing their lives overseas left and right, school shootings are quickly becoming commonplace, but our beloved media would rather focus on celebrities' death, detox, addiction and arrest. Something has got to change. I can't live with myself if I don't try something different. I've got to do something to make the world a bit more ducky...

It's not easy being green...

2007-03-28T16:27:00.000-07:00

Life continues to be a wild, faster-than-the-speed-of-light type of ride...Cait (oldest daughter) got a role in her school's musical, but has been ditching practice and wants to quit. It was HER idea to try out. It was HER interest in acting/singing. All I did was provide emotional support, so we are making her honor her commitment to be in the school musical. Too many people in the musical are counting on her--it's not fair to leave them hanging. Grace (youngest daughter) continues to be manic then depressed then manic...she also broke out in virtually inexplicable hive/rash things last weekend. We took her to the doctor and he couldn't figure it out either. Throw in a couple of phone calls at work--"I missed the school bus", bad grades, no homework being done or when it's done--not being turned in...and you have stressed out parents!

But enough about the fam...I need to talk about stuff that will lower NOT raise my blood pressure...Did you hear about San Francisco being the first city in the US to ban plastic bags made from petroleum products? The mayor still has to sign the bill, but once that is through--all large supermarkets and drugstores will have to use an alternative to plastic bags. I read all about it on CNN.com this morning and was quite pleased. It will save approximately 450,000 gallons of oil a year and 1400 tons of trash in the landfill! Isn't that friggin' amazing? For the past 2 weeks I've become more and more concerned with how much trash my family creates. I didn't even realize that plastic bags were that big of a deal until I stumbled upon www.reusablebags.com. The facts/statistics are mind blowing. So--I have been refusing bags for small purchases at stores this past week as my little contribution to the planet, and I've been taking a canvas bag to use in place of plastic bags when I buy more items than I can carry. Don't get me wrong...I'm no tree hugger...far from it actually. But I finally hit a point where I realize that what we do today really does impact future generations--specifically my kids. If I stay concerned with myself and my own personal happiness/comfort, I'll leave nothing but more shit for the next generation...and that's not cool.

On that note...April 22nd is Earth Day...I've never given a crap about it before, but this year during that whole week, another lady at work and I are "going green". We certainly won't be "purists"---we've both decided that using Kleenex is non-negotiable...we must be allowed to use our Kleenex, dammit! However, we are not accepting ANY plastic bags at stores that week. We are not using any ziploc bags, disposable water bottles or plastic utensils. We haven't ironed out all of the details yet, but I'm proud to be at the point where I'm willing to try...at least for one week. Maybe there is hope for me yet...Join us if you'd like--it would make me feel just ducky to have more company...

Garnier Nutrisse #50 Truffle - Medium Natural Brown

2007-03-12T15:44:00.000-07:00

Ok, so my youngest daughter (who has bipolar disorder) has been manic for about 2-3 weeks now...I've been doing everything I can to bring her out of it, but it hasn't worked thus far. It is MAJORLY stressful for both my husband and myself. Most days we joke about our own deaths being our "sweet relief". Needless to say, there hasn't been any time for "me" lately. I'm feeling fat and ugly right now...

What will the temporary band-aid to my self-esteem be?...A healthy dose of Garnier Nutrisse #50 Truffle - Medium Natural Brown on my head and a slap dash attempt at taming the unruly eyebrows taking over my face...I started dying my hair about 5 1/2 years ago when 3 separate people at work--in one week--told me "Your hair is starting to get gray". Bastards! Is that truly any concern of theirs? Why exactly did they feel the need to enlighten me to their bastardly observations? Did they really think I didn't notice or that I didn't own a mirror? Anyways, it was enough of an assault on my self-esteem that I started dying my hair. Personal appearance-wise I'm very much a minimalist. In every other area I tend not to be, but with my appearance I am. I don't wear any jewelry except my wedding ring and some very small earrings. My haircut is low maintenance--no curling/straightening irons, just a hair dryer and a round brush. I have a simple wardrobe--each piece easily mixes and matches with the others...I don't believe in owning an outfit that can't be broken up and worn separately. I always choose neutral colored shoes, bags and coats. I've never gotten into the whole manicure/paint your nails thing. I LOVE make-up and what it can do when properly applied, but I NEVER wear it. Go figure! I have zero idea why I don't wear it regularly. I tend to wear it for a day or two and then I fall back into my minimalist no-make-up ways...

But, I've looked in the mirror the past few weeks and thought "Damn baby you need help." So, last night I pulled out the long overdue box of Truffle hair color and my tweezers with the idea that those were the two things I could do to make an immediate difference to my self-esteem. I can't chop off a fat roll for instant gratification...I can't purchase $60 in perfectly selected make-up to give myself an instant face-lift...I can't snap my fingers and have a totally new wardrobe, but I can put on the rubber gloves and mix up the brown liquid of the gods that makes me look passable.

I was supposed to go clothes shopping this evening, but my daughter is through-the-roof manic and I instantly knew when she got home from school that shopping wasn't going to happen tonight. Typically when the old self-esteem is this low, I go commando and do the hair dye, shopping and other "me" things all in one day. It is enough of a jolt to keep me going for awhile. Having to spread the experience out is painful and unsatisfying and actually detracts from the self-esteem boost, but that is my reality right now. While taking care of myself is crucial, keeping her safe is even more important. Some day...some day...some day...things will be just ducky again.

Smorgasbord? Can you believe that's how you really spell it?...

2007-03-02T08:07:00.000-08:00

My 13 year-old wrote a poem for/about a friend who she used to hang out with but is now a pothead....she entitled it "What Happened To You?"...needless to say my husband and I now secretly joke about writing a poem called "You suck!" or "I'm sorry you're so stupid" or whatever other funny thing we can think of at the moment. There is just something funny about angst-ridden teenagers writing poems...

School has been cancelled the past 2 days because of more snow and ice. Even the shopping mall, day care centers, local dairy and local factories have shut down and/or closed early due to the weather. While watching the public closings/notices that inevitably scroll across the bottom of the TV screen in winter in Minnesota I read that the "American Guild of Organists Saturday Spring Tune up is cancelled." I thought that was pretty funny especially when I dramatically told my husband the news... But I don't think anything could top the fact that the local churches cancelled their "National Day of Prayer" festivities. I said "Hey Jeff, don't bother praying tomorrow. They cancelled the national day of prayer---even God is snowed in."

Jeff and I watched a movie a couple of nights ago called "Kinky Boots". Now don't go getting all judgmental on me here...it was rated PG-13 and is about a man who inherits a failing shoe company and has to find a new niche in the market or go bankrupt. So---he starts making sexy boots for drag queens that are made to withstand a man's size/weight...hence the title "Kinky Boots". It was really, really good. It was super funny, but had great depth as well. It dealt with acceptance---not just of others but about accepting yourself too. We both highly recommend it and will be buying it for our DVD collection. Not many DVD's make it that far...typically we Netflix them and send them back...the ones that get purchased are special.... :)

Well, I better scoot...I'm writing this from work...yes, technically it is a no-no, but it is snowing and dreary and half of the office isn't here due to the weather...Fine! I feel guilty now. Are you satisfied?...anyways...hope your day is just ducky!

Snow up to my eyeballs...

2007-02-28T05:25:00.000-08:00

I'm back in Minnesota. My trip to Florida was good. I ate at a FANTASTIC place in Indian Rocks Beach, FL called Guppy's. It was truly, truly yummy. I highly recommend it. And now I'm glad to be back in my own bed, however we had literally a record snowfall this weekend! We received 16 inches of snow in the town I live. My husband had to use the snow blower three times this weekend. When I walk down the sidewalk, the piles on both sides go up to my knees! On the street corner (because of the snow plows and such) the piles are honestly up to my chest and sometimes my shoulders! And the most interesting part...we are supposed to get MORE snow today...ugh...I know I live in Minnesota and that means snow, but more snow on top of an already record snowfall is crazy!!! The plows and dump trucks end up taking the excess snow from the streets to the corners of parking lots like Wal-mart, Target, etc. You should see those piles of snow---honestly as tall as a house and taller. My dog is loving it though. He likes romping around and chomping on the snow. My husband likes throwing snowballs for the dog to chase. I'm pretty much done with the whole thing though...bring on spring...ah, yes...that would be quite ducky....

Florida, cold weather and haiku...

2007-02-19T17:08:00.000-08:00

I am in Florida for most of this week. Currently, the temperature today was a high of 64 degrees and the Floridians are calling it a cold snap. It is still far warmer than the weather we've been having in Minnesota, so I'll take it and be grateful. I have a cold though...as a result, I had a hard time staying awake during training today....I was awake enough though to write a haiku about my cold:

Illness, cold, fever, aches
Green stuff coming out my nose
Tissue with lotion

I know....it's lame, but it amused me quite a bit this afternoon...

No thanks, I'd prefer to hide...

2007-02-17T19:15:00.000-08:00

This has been a long week. My daughter had another "episode" today. This one wasn't nearly as scary as the last one, but it was still emotionally draining. I'm leaving tomorrow for more software training in Florida, and my husband will be left to deal with any issues on his own for the next 5 days. I'd prefer to hide under my covers for a few days and say "Screw the world! I'm not coming out. I'm staying in bed forever." Unfortunately, that isn't a viable option. I will go to Florida and upon my return, I'll be caught up in a whirlwind of doctor's appointments and medication adjustments for my girl...on top of it all, I think I'm getting a cold. I've had that sore throat feeling all day. Welcome to my pity party! Poor me...blah, blah, blah...everyone has their "schtuff" to deal with...this just happens to be mine. Give me a good night's sleep and I'm sure things will look/feel a little more ducky.....

Today really, really sucked......big time....

2007-02-11T20:54:00.000-08:00

Where I am, I don't know, I'll never know, in the silence you don't know, you must go on, I can't go on, I'll go on. ~Samuel Becket

It's bad tonight...my nerves are shattered. Just talk to me. I'll make it through the night.
~Edna St. Vincent Millay

These two quotes pretty much sum up my day. This wasn't a good day. My daughter had a 1 1/2 hour long manic rage today....complete with screaming, crying and irrational thoughts. She has been "on the fence" for most of the week...it was all initially triggered on Tuesday when the school bus driver was an entire hour late to pick up the kids due to a lot of snow and bus problems. The kids all stood outside in the snow/cold for over a half an hour before they went back to their homes. She called me at work and I called the school and the bus company. It was all too much for her. She has been irritable and manic ever since. Today it all culminated into a huge rage. She hasn't had one like that in a couple of years.....Luckily her older sister was at a friend's house at the time. It allowed me to focus on calming my daughter down without having to calm them both down.... My older daughter gets freaked out by the rages....I do too, but I can't show it 'cause I'm the mom. There are a million words of encouragement out there...the sun will come out tomorrow....this too shall pass....blah, blah, blah....this sucks....there is no way to make it stop sucking....things will get better, but the manic rages will ALWAYS suck....I love her...she's my girl...the manic rages still suck....the one thing that makes me smile right now is that I just thought "Hey, suck rhymes with duck!" And that folks, makes things a little more ducky....

Afternoons and coffee spoons

2007-02-07T21:03:00.000-08:00

Isn't it weird how you can stumble upon something (like a song, quote, picture, etc.) that you haven't thought about in a really long time, but when you finally do stumble upon it again---other things pop up to remind you of it constantly afterwards?

I used to listen to a band called the Crash Test Dummies all the time. I think they were pretty much considered a one hit wonder in the 1990s. The lead singer has this unmistakeably low/strange voice. One of their semi-obscure songs was entitled Afternoons and Coffee Spoons. I love that song. It is a rather odd song, but it has a catchy tune. The chorus goes "Afternoons will be measured out, measured with, coffee spoons and T.S. Elliott." I hadn't heard that song in many years when I stumbled upon it yesterday while browsing my MP3 collection. How can you not love a rock song that has the lyrics "I've heard the rattle in my bronchi"? It was like coming home again....

Then today, I was browsing on a quotation website that I tend to frequent often and I saw this quote "Success is relative. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.".....which just happens to be credited to the writer.....wait for it....oh yeah, baby....T.S. Elliott. I think it is a super cool quote that seems to fit my life perfectly.

I can't seem to get away from T.S. Elliott lately.....I wonder where I'll hear about him next? I'll have to check him out on Wikipedia. I don't know much about him and I don't think I've read any of his work.....although that doesn't mean much because I can't remember squat anymore and I'm not even 40......What I do know, is that he is a famous author and judging from his quote listed above---he is definitely someone I need to know more about.

Life is all about the six degrees of separation folks...and that's just ducky with me......

Funny things people say...

2007-02-02T04:59:00.000-08:00

I was walking down the hall at work (in the hospital) and I heard an older woman say "Oh what a cute nut cup!" I kept walking and giggled while making a mental note to tell my husband about the incident---he would totally appreciate it. As it so happens, some of the hospital founder's china collection--which was very old and very rare--was on display and they did in fact have a small cup...called a nut cup...to hold individual servings of nuts. However, nothing quite beats hearing someone say "Oh what a cute nut cup!" It's hilarious and most definitely ducky.....

Little Miss Sunshine :)

2007-01-29T15:30:00.000-08:00

Have you seen this movie yet? I am so friggin' glad it is getting some of the recognition that it deserves! It just took top honors at the SAG awards. Of course, it was the "darling" of last year's Sundance Festival and some of the actors in it received Golden Globe and Academy Award nominations this year.

Why do I like this movie so much? Besides being incredibly hilarious, it is ultimately about family and being there for one another when you need it most. They are totally dysfunctional---which reminds both my husband and I of our own families, but (just like our own families) they truly care about one another and are "there" for one another. They don't always agree. They don't always understand, but they are present and supportive when they are needed....and that, dear readers, is awesome in both a family and a movie.

It's also kind of cool that the DVD cover is bright, rubber ducky yellow.....it's been snowy and cold for two weeks here in Minnesota, but watching Little Miss Sunshine makes me feel just ducky.....

Beautiful Melancholy

2007-01-26T06:13:00.000-08:00

I stumbled upon this quote by someone named Mary Stewart (no relation to Martha) a few days ago and haven't been able to "shake it loose" since:

I reached for sleep and drew it round me like a blanket muffling pain and
thought together in the merciful dark.

It is beautiful, but melancholy to me.....oh, yeah...and just ducky.....

Should we really have to fight for adequate healthcare?

2007-01-22T15:23:00.000-08:00

When I was growing up, my mother (a registered nurse) always taught us that the doctor knows best---after all, he/she had 8 years of college plus a residency under their belt. As an adult, I've experienced firsthand the flaw in that theory. Doctors are people....fallible people....people with personalities...with likes and dislikes...they aren't super-human as I once thought. Before you even get to the doctor, you have to buy insurance (otherwise you probably won't be going to the doctor unless it's an emergency...) which isn't cheap. Some jobs don't have their insurance benefits "kick in" until you've been an employee for a certain amount of time. It frustrates me to see prisoners at the Federal prison near the town where I live receive top notch medical treatment at a world famous hospital while some 1st graders at my daughter's school have no insurance whatsoever. I get pretty mad when I dwell on that too long....

Anyways, if you are blessed enough to have insurance, you go to the doctor, but what happens when the doctor is rude or condescending or unwilling to look at the symptoms of the illness from a current perspective. 100 years ago, doctors would sometimes cut your arms and "bleed" out the illness....that would NEVER fly today. That is the "fresh" or current perspective I'm talking about...albeit an exaggerated example. My daughter clearly had a viral infection that was going around the school, but we ended up having a bizarro doctor when we took her in and the lady told her to eat more fiber! I was ticked off. Why can't you just look a doctor in the eye and say "That's ridiculous. You must be smoking crack."?

The mental health field is even "better." Finding a counselor or even a psychologist/psychiatrist that you feel comfortable with is not the easiest task. Sometimes gender plays an issue. Sometimes you want to talk to someone who has similar religious beliefs to those that you have. And psychologists/psychiatrists have different approaches that they take to therapy. Some believe in a very psychodynamic approach where they isolate the patient's therapy---closing out family, etc.....while others want to include at times anyone who is very influential like your spouse, child, parent, etc....Virtually all mental illness is only diagnosed through patient experience and symptoms which adds even more complexity to the situation. At least with cancer you can run blood tests and perform biopsies and know for certain "It's cancer." With mental illness, you don't have that 'luxury'. After much observation, the psych doctor says "I think it's this....or you have symptoms consistent with that...." Certainty in the mental illness field is virtually unheard of. What is thought to be severe depression turns out to be the depression side of manic depression (bipolar disorder)....or what is thought to be OCD is really schizophrenia...the list goes on....

In light of all this uncertainty, you add in a doctor's fallibility and it is a recipe for utter medical chaos. When two doctor's have seen you and they disagree---should we really have to fight for proper care or are we destined to sit back and watch the pissing contest? Why can't I ask for my daughter to have a female counselor and actually have her assigned to a female counselor? Why does she have to be assigned to a male for 2 months---just to see if they are a "fit"---and then put in a request for the female counselor that we asked for to begin with? Why do we have to push doctors (in many cases) to get the result that we need? I know that doctors aren't omniscient/omnipotent. I know they are human...but I'm tired of having to fight for the medical care that my family deserves. Thanks for listening to me rant....tomorrow I'm sure everything will be just ducky again....

Who in the heck is Albert Camus?

2007-01-19T17:27:00.000-08:00

Have you ever heard of the saying "Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend."? It is entirely cheesy and has been embroidered on pillows, printed on plaques and written in greeting cards from here to the moon....but it is ultimately a true statement and was given to us by Albert Camus. However cliche this all may seem on the surface....the story gets better and better the deeper you look...

Albert Camus was an Algerian-French writer who won the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1957. He was by no means a perfect man---he had his indiscretions, but he also gave us some of the most inspiring and truthful statements that I have ever read. Being the collector of quotations that I am, Albert Camus's quotations rank probably right at the top for me... My favorites include:

Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.
Do not wait for the last judgment. It takes place every day.
In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.
What is a rebel? A person who says no.
But in the end, one needs more courage to live than to kill himself.
We are all special cases.
Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower.
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads?
Charm is a way of getting the answer yes without asking a clear question.
I would rather live my life as if there is a God and die to find out there isn't, than live my life as if there isn't and die to find out there is.
It is normal to give away a little of one's life in order not to lose it all.
Man is the only creature that refuses to be what he is.
Everyone would like to behave like a pagan, with everyone else behaving like a Christian.
After all manner of professors have done their best for us, the place we are to get knowledge is in books. The true university of these days is a collection of books.
A man's work is nothing but this slow trek to rediscover, through the detours of art, those two or three great and simple images in whose presence his heart first opened.
Ah, my dear, for anyone who is alone, without God and without a master, the weight of days is dreadful.
All great deeds and great thoughts have a ridiculous beginning. Great works are often born on a street corner or in a restaurant's revolving door.
You are forgiven for your happiness and your success only if you generously consent to share them.

I could go on and on and list dozens more fantastic quotes from Camus....the ones I have listed though have a special place in my heart. The ones I highlighted are my all-time favorites. I think I like quotations so much because words have such incredible power. The intense emotion and knowledge that can be shared through a few words is mind-boggling. When I am going through a difficult time in my life, I pull out my book of quotations and randomly start flipping pages. After about 15-20 minutes, I always feel a bit more ducky.....

Mental Vacation

2007-01-16T19:19:00.000-08:00

Ok, things have been way too serious lately. I'm going to end up with an ulcer....looks like it's time for a mental vacation. Anyone want to help me out? Feel free to join in my game. What is your dream job? Don't put a damper on my fun by saying "I already have my dream job. It's the best job in the whole world...." because that will make me hurl and will ruin the entire mental vacation concept....My dream job is to be the quality assurance person at the Crayola crayon factory. I would love to sit there all day testing the crayons to make sure that they have a consistency of color and to help choose the new crayon names. Do you know they have a Macaroni and Cheese color now? And who didn't use or at least avoid Burnt Sienna when they were growing up? Long gone are the days of red, black and pink...how simple...how boring...upon pulling out my box of crayons I find Banana Mania, Eggplant, Manatee, Canary, Mountain Meadow, Antique Brass, Cotton Candy and....this is one of the best....Fuzzy Wuzzy Brown....and I am NOT making these up. Go buy a 24 ct. pack of Crayola crayons and you will have the proof in front of you. Are you smiling yet?....or at least internally smirking?....Crayons are fun. They are silly. They are childish, but not immature. They make me feel just ducky....

Sometimes, front row seats just plain suck...

2007-01-15T20:42:00.000-08:00

Have you ever watched someone head down a path of self-destruction?....You see what they're doing to themselves and where they are headed and you try and get them to turn around, but they don't listen....they never listen....because you and I never listened when we were on that road.....It is the way of life. We must, unfortunately, learn through our own experience....we have to hit bottom (sometimes repeatedly) before we wake the hell up and realize what we've done to ourselves and the people around us who care about us. Sometimes the bridges we burn can be rebuilt and sometimes they are gone forever....and even though I know all of this, it still bugs the living hell out of me when I plead with someone not to keep going down the path.....but they don't listen and their world falls apart. If three or more smart and trusted people tell you that you are screwing up your life, it warrants at least a minor consideration that you, in fact, might be screwing up your life. But we get in that "You don't know me. You don't understand me." mode where we think that we are so much more in touch with what is really going on and everyone else is deluded. When you take a step back, doesn't it seem a little far fetched that 20 really intelligent, rational people "don't have a clue" about what is "really going on", but that you in your deluded state is somehow "the only one who really knows what is going on"? Seems a bit odd doesn't it?......I know we all have to live our own lives and fight our own battles, but sometimes the front row seats just plain suck......fear not, dear friends.....I will get some sleep and wake up groggy, but everything will be just ducky again.....I just needed a quick moment to vent.....

**In case any family reads this---don't worry...I'm not talking about JD or the girls. I don't want you to be needlessly alarmed.

Coinky-dink?

2007-01-13T18:08:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure why, but for some odd reason it didn't even occur to me that the title of my blog has the same initials as my husband....which I use frequently when I write....however, I like my husband and I like the title, so I'm sticking with my original concept and will deal with any confusion as it may come up.

I'm back home in Minnesota finally. It was a good trip, but I missed my family and my bed. I just don't sleep as well when I'm not in my own bed. I must admit though---it was super nice wearing flip flops and eating outside all week in sunny Florida. I came back to below freezing temps....but I will be heading back to Florida for a week in February to finish out my new software training. It was very sweet but heartbreaking to hear that my youngest daughter was very "mama sick" (her version of missing her mom) all week and waited every night for my phone call. In Tampa I also got to eat at one of my favorite fast food restaurants for the first time in about 10 years.....wait for it....what is it......Chick-fil-a! I know it sounds silly, but they make awesome chicken and we don't have one in Minnesota anywhere close to where I live. It was well worth the wait...We also ate at a beach side restaurant named Frenchy's. It was very "Jimmy Buffet-esque" with vibrant colors, a laid back atmosphere and awesome fresh seafood!

Because I had a hard time sleeping in the hotel, I had the 'opportunity' to watch some TV shows that have received much hype, but that I've never seen before....Scrubs and Sex in the City. I love the movie 'Garden State' which was written, directed and starred Zach Braf who also stars in Scrubs. It was amazing to see how completely different he is in Scrubs. I wouldn't say that I love Scrubs, but it has redeeming qualities and was definitely better than the other shows on at that time of night(a.k.a. way too early morning). Sex in the City turned out to be as raunchy and eye-opening as I thought it would be....but for some bizarre reason---I liked it. GASP!!!!!!!!!!! Don't tell my mother....she would be mortified. It is something that I would never, ever let my children watch, but I could see it becoming one of those guilty pleasures that I secretly watch when the family is out at the dog park, etc. 'Six Feet Under' is another one of those guilty pleasures....I don't watch tons of TV and typically it ends up being something on the Disney Channel because of my youngest daughter, but I have a few shows I like----Ugly Betty and House that are always a sure bet with me.

I was worried about flying. I am 6'0" tall and always feel cramped and claustrophobic on a plane...I was very lucky to only have 1 short, cramped flight though...the other 3 were much better as there was an empty seat between myself and whoever else ended up in my row. As my husband's sister is now a flight attendant, I watched the flight attendants much more closely than I typically would. I never get the fun-loving, happy flight attendants (like she is)....but there were some nice ones on the trip. There was also one FA I had that needs to retire...she was a bit cranky to the passengers---I started giggling at her when she walked up and down the aisle trying to give a bloody mary and a mini bottle of wine to various older couples as she couldn't remember who ordered them. She sat them down in front of one couple and the man looked at the woman and said "I know I'm old, but I still remember that I never ordered this." Finally she started calling out "Did anyone order drinks?" Oh well...maybe she was just having a bad day.

This could end up being a thoroughly boring blog that no one reads let alone enjoys, but I'm going to give the whole thing a shot anyways.....I am who I am.....if it is boring and uneventful to the rest of the world---I'm OK with that. I've worked hard to acccept who I am and where I'm at...if that doesn't entertain others, well...so be it. For me, everything is just ducky.

Imperfect Beginnings

2007-01-10T17:20:00.000-08:00

I have little/no idea what I'm doing with this blog. JD is hesitant about my blogging as he doesn't want to see my feelings get hurt. Not everyone out in Cyberland is nice...he knows I sometimes take things too personally. Yet here I am, typing away regardless. This week I am in the Tampa/Clearwater, Florida area on business. I have some extra time on my hands, so I thought this was as good of a time as any to start writing.
Why the title "Just Ducky"? Good question...I have a nice little collection of rubber ducks I keep on my desk at work. When I've been staring at the computer, racking my brain over a problem for far too long, I look at the ducks and everything seems lighter, happier, not so overwhelming. My life has been far too overwhelming in general the past 6 months...
You see, I have two daughters. The youngest was suspected of having Bipolar Disorder when she was 6 years old. By the time she was 8, she had a triple diagnosis of ADHD, Bipolar Disorder and ODD. I'm not one of those mothers that medicate their children and don't parent responsibly.....The child was having 2-3 hour-long rages where she would scream and cry and destroy things and hurt anyone who got in her way. It wasn't her "fault"---she has an illness... or rather 3 of them. She does take medication and does pretty well now. She doesn't have rages anymore---now we just struggle with the mania from time to time.
This fall, my older daughter kind of "wigged out". I don't say that in an uncaring way. If you've experienced a beloved family member having psychiatric issues, then you know what I mean. Anyways, she needed help, so she too was placed into counseling and just recently prescribed medication. Although she doesn't have an official diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder, that's where it looks like it's headed. There is a family history of Bipolar on their biological "father's" side of the family...My husband (JD) is the girls' father...that guy just shares DNA with them. I refer to that guy and his wife as "Fruit Loop and Sugar"....not for any psychiatric reasons, but because it makes me laugh. I, of course, have never referred to them as Fruit Loop and Sugar around the children, but when I'm at work or alone with my husband or writing on this blog (which the kids won't read) then I call them Fruit Loop and Sugar. It makes me giggle just typing those words.....
I am not flippant or callous about my children's situation. I have long been diagnosed with/treated for severe depression. Some days are good. Some days suck. The kids have been "lava lamping" all fall/winter thus far with mania and depression. Medication changes, a hospital visit....have made the past few months interesting. Throw in a new puppy to spice things up more and you get a huge depression cocktail just waiting to be served.....Everyone has issues. These are mine. They could be worse. No one has died. We all love each other. Everything is Just Ducky.